Tag Archives: Lifestyle

Signing Up

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Sometimes the hardest thing to admit to ourselves is that we need help.

I need help losing weight and I will need help keeping it off. That’s one of the many reasons why I have signed up to WeightWatchers. I’ve tried on my own and done okay. The first time I did WeightWatchers I was two stone heavier than I am now, so I feel really good I haven’t put it all back on before admitting I need help.

The scary part of the process is signing up. I felt nervous as I didn’t know anyone or what the leader would be like, but I still wanted to go. I got there a bit late as did not realise the time stated was the actual talk time, rather than when weighing starts, but they were nice and let me in then did the weigh in. It was nice to be back in a group who are on their own journeys.

I tried to pay attention to the talk, but was nervous about weighing. However it was nice listening, rather than actively joining in. The talk this week was about outdoor eating, now that spring has arrived and summer is on the way. It got us thinking outside the box of normal BBQ staples and thinking about other things that would be much more plan friendly.

I’m treating this about real food. I am not going to get sucked into all the products they do, but rather eat as I have been, just less of it.

I’ve still got to look through all the things you get when you join tonight, but wanted share that I am on 35 ProPoints a day and will be looking and learning about the Places and Routines aspects of the approach at the weekend.20130501-205538.jpg

 

They were also running a free gift offer at the moment that I upgraded to the pack of books as I love having hard copies of things.

20130501-205543.jpgMy aim for my first week is to track everything and reduce what I’m eating to stick to the ProPoints. I am going to use the Journal as I think writing it down is better for me than tracking online. I will use the online tool while at work and other parts of the App on my phone to monitor things.  I also plan to also track my activity to see how much I do, but I am not going to use those points. The first week for me is about learning the plan and working out where I need to make changes to make it easier for me to stick to.

 

3 Month Plan Week 5

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A bit late, but better late than never.

This week was a good week in terms that I went on holiday, but bad in terms of weight. I put on 4 lbs.

I have felt so uncomfortable in myself these past few weeks. Uncomfortable in my clothes. Uncomfortable doing things I enjoy. I don’t want to feel like this any more and need to take action.

I have been having a think. My plan is not working. It hasn’t failed, but it is not working how I would like it. It’s like a science experiment when you know the results you want and just have to figure the right way to get them.

I have come to realise that my idea of being able to manage my own eating and activity is the hardest thing for me. Activity is good, but food is not. I have tried to input my own rules, but I continue to bend and break them for instant gratification.

I need structure. I need to spend time planning out everything and then not having to think about it the rest of the time. The only down side of this is that it is a bit all or nothing. I notice this, but I may not be able to change that part of me and therefore I need to work with it.

I am working on my psychology with food with therapy, but I also need to look at the physical side of food. The decisions to what I buy and therefore what I actually eat.

I have decided to join WeightWatchers. I plan to attend weekly meetings for the community support. I am going to plan out my meals and snacks and then be more laid back when eating out. I will plan in things I enjoy as to not deprive myself. I also want to stir clear of trigger foods, like chocolate, that I can binge on without thinking. I need rules and structure. I need boundaries. Living on my own has shown me I have no boundaries really other than the ones I impose on myself, but I am not very good at sticking to all of those!

I am going to combine this with my therapy work and make good progress to my 29 by 29 goal of developing a me I love. My goal is to learn maintenance. Yes I want to lose weight, but I goal is to learn how to keep it off. This is very different for me. Previously it has all been about getting it off and what it would like then. Now it’s about learning how to live the rest of my life. If that means I will be following WeightWatchers for the rest of my life I accept that. Food and eating may be one area I will always struggle with, but I can take action to reduce its impact.

I feel strange about this. It’s been a hard decision to make and tough to admit to myself. I am nervous and scared, but know I want to feel comfortable as me. Weight is only one part of me, but I let it dictate how I feel. I let food rule me. I have to take back some of the control and know that WeightWatchers can help me do that. It will provide the support I need to learn and grow and develop me naturally.

I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing as part of my 3 month plan and 6 month plan. I’m just refining it further. I’m still using my Ki fit to monitor my activity and calories burnt. I want to track and compare both as I want to ensure my energy levels are maintained with the exercise I do, but within rules.

Time for the next phase :)

Lonely

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This week I’ve felt very lonely and have been using food to fill the hole that is opening up.

I’m don’t normally feel lonely like this. I like being on my own. I like being independent and live to my own routine and schedule. But this week something has been missing.

I think this something has been missing for a while if I want to be truly honest with myself. I’m not the most social person, but I get out to running club and swimming club and socialise. But I don’t hang out with anyone. I haven’t been to the cinema or grabbed a coffee with anyone who isn’t family in too long. I look at my phone and wonder who I could call, but the people who spring to mind I’ve pushed away. It’s not all my fault, but I have to take responsibility for my part.

The last year has been like hell for me. I only feel things are starting to look up in the last few months. I got a new job and moved into my own house. But there is something missing that I have been trying to ignore or tell myself I don’t need, but I do.

I think the worst part is I don’t know how to fill the hole. I’ve used food this week and it just makes me feel worse as I goes against the plan I for myself. I need to take small steps to develop new friendships. It’s going to be hard, but I need to force myself to do them so I don’t sink back to a place where I can’t climb out of.

So I have a plan ;)

I’ve signed up for two 5 mile club events in April and June. These are two local events and I plan to go with the running club and go with the flow by getting a lift with someone and hanging out after.

I have also signed up for a Triathlon in May! This is organised by one of the running club captains, so I will use this as a way to get to know them and volunteer to help with other events they run.

The little things I want to do is get out of the house and go for coffee more often. I reduced it due to budget, but I realise that it is a nice way of bumping into people in my local town so I will get back to doing this. I will also go for coffee after the Parkrun next month as a few of the running club members meet after and chat, so I will make it my mission to do that.

I don’t want to overdo it, so having these plans in place makes me happier. It doesn’t help with the feeling I have right now, but I will be strong and get out of the house.

I think the thing we forget when we lonely is that everyone else feels it at some point too. It’s easy to feel like I’m the only one out there that knows what it feels like, but logically I know it’s not true.

I wonder if loneliness is the source of my issues with food. I always binge eat alone. I don’t like eating in front of other people and I always think about what I can eat when no one is around. The feeling of shame is brought up a lot. Guilt and shame are feelings I have come to know too well. They almost feel normal, which is horrible to admit. When I think about being lonely I feel ashamed and that is worrying and scary. I somehow feel like I’ve failed. Like I’ve failed at life somehow. Unable to let people in and hold on to them. I wonder what type of person I am who does this. Not a nice thought path to go down I can tell you!

I think this is coming to the surface as I’ve been doing a lot of CBT work with my therapist. It’s not permanent as it’s on the NHS, but I’m glad I’m doing it. I think I will need to get a private therapist after as I think I need someone to talk to without worrying if I make sense or about what I am saying. I like just being honest with someone. There aren’t many people I can be like that with.

So I’m admitting I’m lonely, but I am going to do little things to improve it and make it part of developing the me I want to be :)

I Have a Plan!

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A 3 and 6 month plan to be exact!

I’ve been feeling rubbish about myself these last few weeks. I’ve let everything go and am now feeling the consequences. I feel heavy, tired, I don’t fit into my clothes, I have no direction and I want to get off medication. Now I am in my house it is time to get into gear and become the person I’ve been waiting to become. I thought moving out I would magically become that person, but deep down I knew it would take work and now it’s time to focus myself.

So I’ve spent the last week reviewing my goals, motivations and options to reach where I want to be.

My 2013 Health Goals

  • Lose 50lbs
  • Fit in a size 14 Gap Jeans (UK size)
  • Run 10km
  • Swim 5km
  • Do a Triathlon
  • Get Off Medication for Depression

To do these I have to break them down in more manageable chunks. Hence my 3 and 6 month plans :)

3 Month Plan

  • Goals
    • Lose 16lbs to reach 200lbs
  • How:
    • Sign up for 6 Month Ki Fit Membership
    • Use Fitbook to break it down into weekly goals and progress
    • Use MFP to track my food and link it to Ki Fit
  • Motivations:
    • Girls Meal in April
    • Local 5km Race for Life in June
    • Second Swimming Club Gala in July
    • Running Club 10km Event
  • Rewards:
    • Book a holiday for September
    • Coffee or Tea Subscription
    • Purchase Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Programme for 6 Month Plan

6 Month Plan

  • Review 3 Month Plan and decide specific goals
  • How:
    • Ki Fit, Fitbook, MFP and Body Revolution
  • Motivations:
    • Triathlon
    • Holiday
  • Rewards:
    • Book Mont Blanc walking holiday for Spring 2014
    • Clothes

I feel good about this. I know I’ve had plans before and not fulfilled them, but this has got to change. I need to do some digging into myself as to why I have put weight back on and what is stopping me from losing weight. I need to ask myself some tough questions and stop denying what is really wrong. I am going to use my CBT sessions to dig into this with help. I know my behaviours are causing the issues, so I need to work out why I am behaving the way I am and then work to change the triggers. It’s going to hard work, but I need to do this to live the life I want to live.

I am waiting for my Fitbook to arrive, so am holding off on ordering my new Ki Fit subscription until it arrives then will start the 3 month plan properly. But until then I am going to work like it’s here and focus on getting back into exercising regularly and tracking all my food. These are areas I’ve neglected so it will good to focus just on those for a week, then bring in the other aspects when the Fitbook arrives.

My plan is to review each week on here and more if necessary. I need to be accountable to myself and for it to be visible to more than just me. So join me on the next adventure :)

Things I’m Loving… 29 by 29 Update 2

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I wanted to do an update on how I’m getting on with my 29 by 29 list this month:

  1. Move into my own place - Complete :)
  2. Adopt a cat
  3. Do a Super Sprint Triathlon - 400m swim, 20km bike, 2.5km run - Still thinking about this.
  4. Take part in running club events and volunteer to help when I can’t take part – decided to work towards the 10km event in the summer :)
  5. Do the Parkrun once a month and volunteer as a marshall
    1. January = 38:19
    2. February = 34:40
  6. Bake more bread
  7. Complete the CBT Journal for Dummies - Working my way through this!
  8. Read more classic books as part of my 2013 reading challenge - This might change to audio books, as I haven’t ‘read’ a single book since starting my new job.
  9. Stick to my budget and save for holidays and house things - this needs an overhaul after buying lots when moving.
  10. Take a bike maintenance course
  11. Join a WW meeting and work towards goal - a post coming up on how this is changing.
  12. Blog – maybe a redesign ;)  - This was forced when Wordpress was updated!
  13. Plan budget friendly trips – been thinking about this week and am going to see my friend Ingrid in Portugal next month and then planning a walking holiday for later in the year.
  14. Try acupuncture – this is going to depend on finances :(
  15. Keep working to create and maintain good mental health - Doing well with this and feeling positive :)
  16. Join a coffee club - it’s one of my fitness/weight rewards for the next few months :)
  17. Take part in the Masters galas and club championships
    1. February Gala – 2 Golds and 2 Silvers!
  18. Work out savings plan for trip to Japan - this is on hold :(
  19. Catch up on Greys Anatomy
  20. Get regular haircuts - Had one last weekend and booked the next for three months time :)
  21. Move forward with my life and make new friends – making work friends :)
  22. Do my best at my new job - I am enough - Still think this is going well.
  23. Keep my commute healthy - Needs some work so I’m not starving in the evening.
  24. Listen to Harry Potter audiobooks - Books one and two done :)
  25. Get rid of stuff I no longer need when I move – this is what is remaining in my unpacked room.
  26. Use the mantra ‘F**k It’ – doing good with this :)
  27. Take up pilates or yoga
  28. Create photo albums for all my trips
  29. Try two new recipes a month from my cook books - Going to do this from now :)

I’m feeling good at the moment, but know there are areas of my life that need a bit more attention. I am shifting my focus a little to reflect my current place and am looking forward to things again. It might have something to do with the sun shining as I write this and spring just around the corner, but overall things feel more positive. I’m okay with where I am and not worrying about where I am going, just keeping a few ambitions in mind to make sure I see opportunities when they arise. I’ve spent a bit of time this last week breaking down some goals into smaller chunks and feel better about working towards them. I know I need to challenge myself and that’s why I’ve added a walking holiday to my plans this year – a challenge and a break :)

Hope everyone is feeling good and working towards their goals or just enjoying life as it is  - I am :)

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