Tag Archives: Life

Wandering around Bristol

I’ve said recently I’ve been restless and not quite feeling where I am living. Don’t get me wrong I do love my house and being near all my friends, but there is something about it that is not quite working for me at the moment. It’s too quiet! I love quiet, but also I want to live a full life and love exploring and where I currently am, doesn’t have the things I want on the doorstep. My sister lives in Bristol and I head that way quite a lot and I keep thinking about maybe, possibly, in the future, moving there…

I don’t know for certain, but a big part of me at the moment want to live in a city. I loved Vancouver, Edinburgh and Cardiff, even if I was just there for short amounts of time. I love how you can walk everywhere (pretty much) and there is usually something new happening or to explore every week (maybe month). There is a sense of life to those places. I get the same feeling in Bristol and with my current job that could work as a place to be…

This last weekend my sister and I were meant to go sailing, but the wind was not in a kind mood and we are fair weather sailors, so we changed plans and went out for a walk around Bristol Harbour. We have done this many times, but as it was heavy showers forecast all day we went out expecting to top for coffee and in places all day, and that we did.

First we went to lunch at a new cafe called Mokoko.  I introduced my sister to flat white and the coffee bean menus even though she took the piss out of me for being so interested in coffee! We had a lovely lunch and I would recommend it as a place to go if you’re in the area.

We then started our walk, got about 500m and it poured down so we went into the M-Shed to learn about the history of Bristol. It’s free and it was interesting, but both of us were annoyed that there was no logical flow to the information and instead it was in themes, which was interesting but confusing!

After that we started on our walk again and go a bit further – to the cafe outside the SS Great Britain to be exact! It had started to rain again and we went for a cuppa. As it decided it was going to carry on for an our we decided to into the SS Great Britain as neither of us had actually been inside ever!

I was quite impressed. I loved the being able to walk around the ship and go below into the dry dock. The dry dock was the best part and I found it much more interesting than the reconstructed interior.

When we got to the deck the sun decided to make an appearance and it was beautiful to see colourful Bristol come to life.

Did you know you can get married on this ship?

Nor us! We were wandering around and suddenly there were lots of smartly dressed people heading into the lower deck which was all set out theatre style. It would make a unique setting that is for sure!

We then carried on our walk around the floating harbour, stopping for another coffee when it decided to pour down again and then headed for an early dinner at Pho. I am now obessed with Vietnamese food! I want to learn how to make Pho and rice paper rolls and have already spied that I can get the ingredients I need from my local shop. It was so fresh and filling, but light and tasty all at the same time.

Just one day in Bristol and I explored new things and went to new cafes and restaurants that just isn’t possible where I currently am. I am so tempted, but at the same time I don’t know whether I want to spend the money on moving. I have only just got to a place financially where I can afford to do the trips I want to do (Hello Japan!) and I really don’t want to give that up. I need to think hard about whether I can do both, but it might need to wait until I progress in work a little further. I’m excited to think about it though. I can start creating the future I want now, but only if I know what the future I want looks like. (I haven’t been reading a leadership book at all!!)

Making My Space

I’ve been very thoughtful lately about making the most of my life and that has developed into what I keep in my life in terms of personal space and possessions. I’ve been working my way through my house and sorting through everything. I’ve gotten rid of books, DVDs, trinkets, paperwork and other stuff I have hoarded for no reason.

I’ve created key spaces in my living room, bed room and spare room, that all feel personal to me. They all have their own feel as I hoped they would. For example my living room is all about the things that make me happy and the focus piece is still my bookshelf and armchair. Each piece of art, each book, each trinket has a story or a memory that goes with it that reminds me of adventures I’ve been on.

The newest space is my reading/office in my spare room where I bought a small bed earlier in the year to make into a day bed and then last week bought a small desk to go next to it. It’s a lovely bright space, but cosy and calm at the same time. I have some postcards I want to put up in the space above it to make me happy and inspire productivity for when I am working at home or working on personal projects.

I have realised over the last few years, probably ever since I moved into my own place, that stuff is not the key to happiness and actually experiences are way more important. I’ve shifted my focus and questioned why I have things in my house. The hard part for me was taking down my medals, I realised they no longer made me happy, but actually made me judge everything I was doing as they don’t motivate me anymore. It’s funny how we all go through stages in our lives and grow as people all the time. I finally feel that my 30’s are going to be what I make them and that is exciting.

My space is an extension of my personality and I want to come home to it and all it contains and be content or what ever mood I want to be in and be completely comfortable there. It doesn’t mean it won’t change, but rather it will grow and evolve with me.

As you can see Merry and Pippin love the space as well!

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Acknowledging my emotions

Emotions:
a strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others
instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge
I’ve always struggled to articulate my emotions and I’ve been working in therapy to address this and put words to all the emotions I feel. My therapist has encouraged me to say what I feel however I need to and often I find I use hand movements or metaphors or even sounds, rather than words. So this last week I’ve been referring to the emotions wheel below and putting words to the emotions I feel.
_ Emotions Wheel-page-001
The focus for me has been about changing my relationship with food and understanding the emotions I am feeling is a big part of this. Being able to put words to feelings is helping me make them less scary. I have found I have developed rules around what emotions I let be visible and when I feel something that breaks the rule I usually use food to distract from it. This is really unhealthy and I don’t want to behave like that any more. However it is not an overnight change and I have to give myself time to change my rules.
I am finding it hard, but worthwhile. I’ve started to sit with my emotions and listen to my thoughts, but rather than act I am watching as an observer. I have to focus as it goes against all my ingrained habit to do something to avoid feeling the emotion. I am also giving myself permission to not blame myself for things I feel, no matter the trigger. My therapist points out to me all the time I usually take a very balanced view of things, even if they make me angry or upset. So I am trying to free write at times of anger or sadness to get out what I feel. I find this hard as I live by the rule ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all’. I’ve been giving myself permission to write what I think about people or experiences without guilt or shame. It is only about acknowledging how I feel and helping ride the emotion wave until it subsides.
It’s an interesting time in my life. I am feeling excited and optimistic about lots of things and working through the things that are causing me pain. It’s weird, but I finally feel like I am being the real me most of the time (I still need to work on the rest of it) and it’s feels great!

Summer Solstice at Stonehenge

I started this week by making my way to Stonehenge for the Summer Solstice celebrations. This is one of the only time it is free access to the site and to the stones themselves. I’m lucky that with my job I get to take part in volunteering activities like this as in all honesty I do not get the point of sitting in a field all night. However I am grateful for being also to experience it in a golunteering way instead.

It was a beautiful evening and I took my camera and borrowed a friend tripod to try and get some lovely photos. I’ll share those in another  post  though as they need editing slightly and I would like some help from my teacher to do that.

It was an amazing sky with bright sunshine, but lots if scattered clouds to heal things up and add colour.

It was also a full moon or strawberry moon, which only happens a couple of times a century on the solstice. It was all beautiful to watch.


When my shit finished my friend and headed down to the stones themselves to experience threat thing. This year was quiet I’m told as they introduced a parking fee and banned alcohol from the site. When we went in there were only around 6000 people, compared to closer to 20,000 normally. It was really calm and chilled. The atmosphere was friendly and welcoming really. 

It is odd at the same though as they light up the site with huge flood lights that give off this fake moon like glow. For safety and ease of walking around to was great, but compared to last year at Aberbury where they don’t provide any lighting, it is a completely different experience. 

We even g pretty much in to the centre of the stones which was a first for me. I got to touch a few of the stones, which was important to me. It felt like touching and being a part of the history of the place. The stones are so old I feel as though they hold so many stories and memories of the world. My fantasy geek ended coming out there!

I wish it was the moon in theses photos, buts it’s not it’s just the floodlights!

In a week that has ended on such a down note for me and many others, the start of the week feels so long ago. The connection I felt to our past had slipped away in the last few hours. It’s odd to sit here now and think we are going backwards. I refuse to dwell and I’m glad I voted for what I believe in and will continue to do that. Now on to a happier weekend catching up with Ingrid and going to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child! 

Restlessness

I’m restless right now.

I love a lot of my life right now, but at the same time I know I want more. I love my house with my cats and the freedom I have in my new job and the future travels I have planned. But, I’m having a severe case of small-town syndrome, which started late last year and hasn’t disappeared.

Part of me wonders if it’s another symptom of everything not being quite right with how I am thinking about things. I wonder if it stems from wanting to jump into something new to distract from the things causing me discomfort right now. I need a bit more time to work through things in therapy before I make any life changing decisions, but at the same time I can try to calm my restlessness by looking at options.

I’m currently on a contract with work so there may be an opportunity next year to move form my small town to a city. I want to live in a city just once. It might not end up being right for me, but I want to try it out. I also want to try out living by the coast and up in the mountains at some point in my life. I’ve come to realise I don’t want to stay living where I am forever and I’m okay with that. I like a base, but after a few years I need to move onto something new and that is exciting.

It is about being brave and stepping out into the unknown every so often. I need to take myself out of my comfort zone to make sure I am living my life to the full and not becoming complacent. 

My heart has not yet found it’s permanent place and it may never find it. I’m not a nomad, but I want to move around and experience different things. I thought I would be living abroad this time 10 years ago, but I didn’t go after it. My dreams have changed and that is okay, but I won’t ignore them any more or let the everyday distract me from what I really want to live my life for.

I am curious about what life can hold. I’ve made decisions about my life already that mean I need to find my fulfillment away from the norm. I don’t want to conform with a traditional way of life. This might be my way of rebelling against the life part of me thinks I should want. I really want adventure and exploration! My versions of these are probably very different from other people’s and again that is okay with me. In the end as long as I am living the life I want to live what else is there to be concerned with?

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