Tag Archives: Life

Reality Check

This last weekend was an eye opener for me. I walked up and down Snowdon with a group of friends and I really struggled. I am frustrated and disappointed in where I am currently with my fitness. I have let things slide as I have been pulling back from club politics and focusing on myself, but I don’t think I’ve been focusing on the right things.

I found walking up Snowdon really hard work. I had to go slow and take lots of breaks. I wasn’t left on my own, but most of the group were well ahead of me, especially on the steeper bits. I hated being the slowest. I hated how weak I felt.

I felt really out of shape.

I feel really out of shape.

Don’t get me wrong, I am super proud I achieved the walk up in the shape I currently am. And also I didn’t really ache like some of the others did, but my feet suffered. I know I can do better and I want to do better. I know I don’t want to feel like I currently do and I do not want my weight to stop me doing things I enjoy in the future.

It’s time for a reality check and to stop kidding myself it will happen without me putting in the effort required to make it happen.

I want to be fit and strong.

In order to do that, I need to eat well and exercise regularly. I need consistency. It needs to be a way of life. I need to change some habits.  I need overhaul my approach to food. I need to look at my triggers and assess how I can avoid or mitigate them.  I need to change how I think about eating and show myself that overeating is not taking care of myself or being kind to myself.

Life is an adventure.  I have proved to myself I can do anything I set out to and I know I can make it easier on myself by taking better care of myself. So the next part of my journey is to redefine how I take care of myself.

Garden Transformation

I am not great at looking after plants. If they can’t tell me they need food and/water I usually end up killing them through over or under watering. Not even grass is safe from my non green fingers.

So this year, after two years of being in my house, I finally transformed my garden into something i will use and that is low maintenance.

This is the before state of affairs. I can’t be held totally responosbile though! Anyone who has bought a new house know that developers aren’t the best at leaving gardens presentable or flat.  My garden is on a slight slope and the ground was not flattened before the turf was laid and that has been a nightmare since with mowing.

I therefore decided to pave the whole thing over!

Extreme yes, but also totally logical. The builders took about 4 days to complete the whole thing, from digging up excess garden, to creating the base to lay the paving on, that is flat!

The end result is a simple, but so much improved outdoor space I will use and can bring the cats out to enjoy.

It feels so much bigger and it is so nice to be able to put my table and chairs out and for them to be flat.  

I have since collected a number of pots and planted some cat friend herbs, that will hopefully survive my lack of green fingers.

I’m pretty sure I have the thumbs up from Merry and Pippin. It took a few attempts for them to come outside due to the changes from last year, but they did and ahve been nibbling at the shrubs since. Pippin got to 3 of my runner bean seedings straight away, so had to get some protection to keep him away until they can survive cat nibbles.

  

They have been running around the space attempting to catch flies and watching the birds fly across the sky. They go and peer under the gate, but have yet to try and get underneath.   

Overall I am so glad I decided to spend some of my savings and get this done. I know I”ll enjoying going out there as the weather gets warmer and know the cats will also love it.

A New Approach to Life

Weight is such an annoying topic. It seems to permeate into every aspect of my life somehow and that is because I let it. I have managed to attach my self-worth to what I weigh and it is not the way I want to live. It is restricting and uncomfortable (and not only for my body, but also for my mind). I’m trying to look at myself a different way. To look myself in a way in which I can love myself for who I am rather than for what I am. I want the word ‘fat’ to no longer be attached to myself worth. It is just something that is and that means I can change it if I want to. I don’t want it to get in my way anymore, or be an excuse. So I am going to do something about it.

I’m limiting my body’s potential by eating too much (realised after reading Superlatively Rude -I love this girl!) I’m also limiting my own life’s potential. I want to be able to do anything I set my mind to.

I want to change how I look after myself – body, mind, and soul – as I want to feel strong, sexy, adventurous, confident, competent, sassy, accomplished, and even more!

So how can I change how I take care of myself?

  • Body
    • Swimming – work towards a 10km and lake swimming through winter
    • Eat well and not more than I need – cut out the crap!
    • Daily personal care – makeup, clothes, face routine
    • Monthly personal care – waxing, hair
  • Mind
    • Monthly reflections
    • #Askthequestion
    • Managing my finances and spending wisely
    • Work for progress
  • Soul
    • My cats – I love them to bits!
    • Read good books and watch good tv
    • Blog because I love to share, not because I have to blog
    • Enjoying my home and space (especially my new garden space)

I do all of this already, but with no regularity and can feel guilty about them as they are personal things for me only and that can feel selfish. I have realised I spend a lot of time adapting to others and that has to stop. I want to be flexible and reliable, but this needs to be on my own terms, not because someone else thinks it’s selfish of me. I want to focus on different aspects of my life and get away from thinking in terms of diet, fitness, and work. I want to create a fulfilled life even if that changes every month. I’ve been so busy focusing on the same things over and over I’ve lost my sense of creatively and adventure. I want to search it out again. I want to change from thinking about the destination to thinking about the journey and enjoying everything single moment I can for the rest of my life – that is my journey.

DNS (Did Not Start)

I’ve made the decision to pull out of everything triathlon for the foreseeable future. The only way I will be involved is through swimming (doing a relay in May), otherwise I am stepping away and focusing on my own swimming journey.

It has taken me months to realise something wasn’t right with what I was focusing on. I have been struggling with motivation to train and especially to run and I wondered why. I knew it had to be more than just the cold winter months of darkness. I have been in denial about how much I wanted to do triathlon and when the commitment requirement was getting too much I realised I didn’t want to do it at all any more.

So I am withdrawing from the 70.3 I signed up for last year and the Good Friday Tri later this week!

Maybe if I had realised a spoken up sooner I wouldn’t be stepping away completely, but that is with hindsight. Right now I don’t want to have anything to do with triathlon and need to step away before I come to hate it.

I hope I’ll come back to it one day, but I am happy with what I have already achieved. I thought I wanted to do a longer distance, but deep down I know it is not the right time for me to commit to something like this. I have to want it so much that nothing else matters and in truth that is not how I feel right now. I want to progress at work and I want swim in the lake more this summer. I want to spend time at home with my cats and take them into the garden to play and explore. I want to walk and spend time exploring for myself and letting myself wander in both body and mind.

I want so many things, but I don’t want triathlon like that anymore, and that is okay.

I’ve stressed about this for months and even once I made the decision probably over a month ago, I couldn’t bring myself to make it final. I felt guilty and worried I would be letting people down, but I know that if I did carry on I would only be letting myself down as I would not be able to give it my best and that matters to me. I have now told the club (leaving the option for a relay team open) and it is final. I feel so much lighter and less nervous. I know I can now move forwards in the ways I want to, rather than the way I was forcing myself to.

Life Lately = Busy!

Where has March gone already?! I can’t believe I haven’t posted since the 4th and now it’s the 28th!

It’s been a busy month and I haven’t had chance to think really. I’ve got a few posts I need to share and will be getting those up, even if some are just photo posts in the next week or so. But work has taken over my life and I don’t mind. I am enjoying what I am doing and am really pushing to get a step up later this year, so like being busy and challenging myself by taking on new projects. I’ve also been able to get out to some different sites this month, which has been great.

I’ve also had my 5th cold of the year and have been really frustrated about it. I have had some kind of illness since November and I am ready to be down, but I cannot seem to shake this last one and am still snivelling and coughing after a couple of weeks. I’ve let it eat into my training and be an excuse for not doing things. I’m pulling out of a triathlon I signed up for at the beginning of April and am changing my May one to a relay team. The only other one I have signed up for is the 70.3 and I am really not feeling it and am pretty certain I will be withdrawing as have not done a single bit of running in 3 weeks. I just need to make the decision for myself.

I have actually been doing a lot of thinking recently and have been making some changes to my behaviours to help myself and make my life what I want it to be. It’s not about being happy all the time, but rather content with my life and the decisions I make. So I’ve been inducing in some of my favourite past times recently:

TV – I’ve been watching The Blacklist & Grey’s Anatomy (season 9 onwards) and have been loving getting back involved with good TV. I admit I love watching a number of episodes in one go, rather than wait each week (yay for Sky Go box sets). My TV has been playing up so have mainly been streaming, but I finally got around to calling the aerial guys and that will be fixed next week!

Films – I’ve been taking advantage of my unlimited card this year and in March so far have seen Home, Chappie, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and Focus. I plan on going to see something tomorrow, but not sure what yet. I love my early afternoon visits to the cinema as there is usually hardly anyone there and I can book my favourite seat and enjoy some downtime.

Books – I haven’t been reading much this month, but have been listening to The Dresden Files and Sherlock Holmes audiobooks. I’ve got a few book reviews to post from February and plan on doing that over the next week or so. My plan is to spend more time reading as I really do miss it. I want to cut/focus my training time and have more free time to enjoy the things I love.

House – I have had a few quotes to get my garden paved over as all my grass is dead and I want somewhere I can relax and take the cats out into and clean my bikes. The firm I have chosen came round this morning to measure up and will be starting next week, which is way sooner than I expected, but fantastic as I will soon have an outside space I can use and enjoy properly for the summer.

So there has been a lot going on. It’s nice to sit and remind myself as I am prone to thinking I haven’t been doing enough, but it is more about doing the things I love doing and that is enough. The blog had to slide a bit, but I hope to get back on track in April and again focus on the things I love and enjoy.

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