Tag Archives: Life

What do I believe about myself?

What do I believe about myself that is keeping me fat or overeating?

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not normal
  • I don’t matter

(just typing those make me well up with tears – they hurt deep within)

I eat to make myself feel better. I eat to not deal with

Deep down these are my core beliefs about myself. I found these out in CBT last year. I’ve been working on my thoughts and behaviours to try influence and change my rules for living and then hopefully my core beliefs.

I’m not sure where these came from. I’m not looking to blame anyone. I know I learnt these beliefs somewhere, but whether that was from my parents, friends, school, strangers, or TV, it doesn’t matter right now. Blame doesn’t solve them.

These are hard to change and may never change. I can things about them though and make sure I live my life in a way that challenges them and builds up an evidence base that supports the opposite. I am going to switch them around and tell myself every day that I am the opposite of what I belief.

Simple Mantras for me:

  • I am good enough
  • I am my normal
  • I matter

I think this is the essence of Project Lifestyle. It is about showing myself that I deserve to be treated well by myself.

I’ve started my own Project Lifestyle Journal and Wall Chart (shout out to CocoGirlButter for the inspiration) and breaking down my days into the key components of what I believe make up the lifestyle I want to live.



For me:

  • Nutrition – this is about finding a balance and the foods that make me feel good, not guilty – this is also about not binging on food
  • Activity – anything that means I haven’t been sat down all day, but it doesn’t have to be structured exercise
  • Sleep – aiming for 8 hours night and monitor how restful it actually is
  • Water – this really should be hydration
  • Thoughts – this is about spending a little time making sure my thoughts are positive and helpful and challenging any that aren’t so not to let them fester

I hope by focusing on these 5 things I will develop simple long lasting habits that will go a long way towards the goal of living the rest of my life.



I want to step away from rewards, but for every pound I lose I am going to add £1 to a jar and keep to spend on something impulsive when I reach my happy and maintainable weight. I want that jar to be my mini savings account. I love saving for things and at the moment it’s hard to commit to an amount every month, but this is for me. This is instead of the money I spend on binge food buys.  I’m collecting stars and for every time I get 7 stars (not essential) I’ll add another £1 to my savings pot.


I need to put the work in in order to ingrain these habits into my life. I want these to become normal for me. I can the spend time working towards other things I haven’t even thought of yet because I am so consumed by Project Lifestyle.  Right now is the perfect time for me to focus on myself as I can’t get distracted by planning other things like holiday adventures.  I can focus on me without any distractions. I am doing this for me.

Just a random note on the bottom of this post – I decided to enter the London Marathon ballot. If I get a place I will do it, but if not I won’t be disappointed. I just felt like this was something I would do and went with the flow.


I’m making excuses.

If I want to lead a healthy life I just have to do it.

I know binge eating is a problem, but I can avoid my triggers.

I need to nap and go to bed earlier.

I need to mix up my food and exercise to avoid boredom.

I need to get engaged with my hobbies.

  • Look into triathlon training

  • Look into nutrition

  • Start crafting lists or thought journal – use tapes to make things pretty (not perfect)

  • Cycle and walk for fun – take camera out and enjoy the countryside

  • Take up headspace and practice mindfulness

I need to stick to my budget and that will allow me to save and spend on things I really want rather than chocolate or binge foods.

I need to make the food I eat for meals more appetising.

I need to make health a priority.

The number on the scale is just a number. It does not define me or success.

What do I want to live for?

  • See the world!

  • Go skiing all over the world

  • Try new activities

  • Meet new people

  • Sign up for events and be able to give anything a go

  • To experience life

  • To practice meditation and maybe take up tai chi or a martial art

  • To explore my local place where ever I am

For me life isn’t about people or things. It’s not about starting a family of settling down. It’s about experiences and exploring and learning. I don’t ever want to stop learning.

I’m limited in terms of money right not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn about health and myself. Let’s rephrase that – I’ve not got the opportunity to plan any trips right now so I can use this time to explore myself. This is an opportunity to not be distracted by grand plans and trip planning. This is an opportunity to get to know me on a daily basis. This is an opportunity to make great small decisions that add up to something amazing each day.

I’m going to tune into myself more often. I’m going to ask myself how I’m feeling. I’m going to ask myself what I fancy.

I’m also going to listen. To myself!

I would like to take the words – should, could, need, must – out of my vocabulary. I am going to replace them with kinder words of encouragement and listening.

This is a totally random post. It wasn’t started as a post. I was in work having trouble concentrating on anything that I opened a word document and kept adding to it throughout the day. It helped me get my thoughts out and I feel better for it. It might not make much sense to anyone else reading, but I wanted to share the struggle as well as the success.

Random Things

It’s going to be a busy weekend so I wanted share some random things from the last week.

I picked up my road bike on Tuesday and it’s sat in my living room against the sofa so I can practice with the shoes and pedals.


I’ve spent the week commuting to paper diaries and journals. So I use the Fitbook for my food, a hobbit Moleskine for my blog, a notebook for my positives journal, and have added back in my Filofax for my diary. I’ve also gig a set of molrskines to crest a health journal and to use after my Fitbook is finished to log my meals. I would live something that does it all, but yet to find something like that.


I’ve also been thinking a lot about binge eating this week. I wish there was a way to just stop. I need to spend some serious thinking time understanding why I do it and what I can do to support my move away from its dependency.

That’s it for now. I’ve got my triathlon coaching assessment on sunday so I’ll be revising tomorrow then stressing until it’s over!

Project Lifestyle – February Mental Health Workstream

Project Lifestyle Purple Cover

I think I’m coming to see this workstream as more than just mental health. It is more about my general well being and treating myself right.

I want this month to focus on the things I already have. Over the last few years I have placed a lot of importance on money and things and I want to move away from that. I have everything I need and don’t need to spend money to have a good time. This goes hand in hand with my other workstreams, but this one is focusing on changing how I think about things.

It’s going to be hard. I’ve taught myself to place value on things based on their monetary value. This goes hand in hand with quality for me. I don’t buy super clothes or shoes as I like them to last a long time, so I only buy these things where I need them. However wanting and needing are separate things. I am trying to change my purchasing habits to only buy things when I need them. To determine this need I am basing on whether I will use it pretty much as soon as I buy it. So for example I waited to spend my birthday money on a Garmin, once I had decided I needed it for running and cycling and then used it right away.

A big exception to this will be the buy I am buying through my cycle to work scheme. Technically I don’t need a bike as I have one, but I am going to get serious about triathlons and cycling and know this will help my confidence and skill. I plan on getting out on bike rides as soon as I get it!

So this month is focusing on my evenings and weekends and looking for ways I can appreciate what I already have. I’ve had some ideas:

  • Make bread and bagels

  • Go through cookbooks and find recipes to try

  • Cook more and make my own ready meals like I used to

  • Read more and reduce my To Read pile of books

  • Use my memberships – cinema, gym, Netflix, coffee

  • Write letters to friends

  • Search the internet for free ways to try things I want to have a go at such as calligraphy

It’s a simple month really and something I intend to carry on through my life. I don’t want to sweat the small stuff, but I want to stop and smell the roses.

100 Reasons

I have been looking at why I sabotage myself. Looking at why in times of overwhelming emotions I turn to food. But more importantly why I want to change that. I’ve been inspired by Sarah McGee and created a list of 100 Reasons to remind myself why I want to make the changes I do. These are to help me with Project lifestyle.

So here are my 100 Reasons:

  1. To live for as long as I can

  2. To not waste time worrying about how my weight stops me doing things

  3. To have fun

  4. To be full of confidence

  5. To be happy

  6. To love myself no matter what

  7. To be able to sign up for any event knowing I could do it

  8. To enjoy competing

  9. To be faster at swimming

  10. To be faster at running

  11. To enjoy cycling

  12. To not waste money on rubbish food

  13. Because it feels good

  14. For the post workout high

  15. To be fit for life

  16. To buy clothes in any shop I want

  17. To feel comfortable in all my clothes

  18. To be know as active

  19. To wear pretty things

  20. To not worry about taking up too much space

  21. To be able to climb mountains

  22. To have more energy

  23. To sleep better

  24. To not sweat as much

  25. To fit the normal blood pressure monitor sleeve

  26. To stop my legs rubbing together (hence always wearing trousers)

  27. To never have to worry about a ‘maximum’ weight limit

  28. To be able to go horse riding

  29. To feel strong (physically and mentally)

  30. To set new goals and achieve them

  31. To push my limits and find new ones

  32. To be taken more seriously professionally

  33. To not always be thinking about the next meal

  34. To inspire others

  35. To inspire myself

  36. To be considered healthy

  37. To show others what I am capable of

  38. To prove myself wrong

  39. To feel sexy occasionally

  40. Because I love how treating my body well feels

  41. Because I only have one body

  42. Because I deserve love

  43. To keep setting PB’s

  44. To beat depression

  45. To be able to buy knee high boots that fit

  46. To be able to wear those knee high boots over skinny jeans

  47. Because each workout is a therapy session

  48. Because I don’t want to waste time being lazy

  49. To stop beating myself up

  50. To be a better person

  51. To smile more and more

  52. To be able to hold a conversation while running with my club

  53. To run with the main group of runners at club

  54. To keep up with the top swimming lane and take the lead

  55. I want to live everyday

  56. To be able to says ‘I’ve done that’ when someone asks

  57. To go hiking and enjoy every step, rather than count every step

  58. To develop a helpful relationship with food that supports my life

  59. To not worry if I’ll fit a high viz jacket while at work

  60. To take part in events and not worry about being lifted up by others

  61. To not have trousers cut me in half when I sit at my desk

  62. To fit shirts and other tops with sleeves that aren’t stretchy

  63. To wear dresses to work

  64. To wear dresses on nights out

  65. To last longer in high heels

  66. To not worry about injury

  67. To learn as I go and be like a sponge of knowledge

  68. To feel like I belong anywhere I want to be

  69. To appreciate my down time

  70. To be able to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred level 3

  71. To be considered healthy by my doctor

  72. To not worry about my blood pressure (although my doctor said was excellent in Jan 14)

  73. To be able to hold yoga positions for longer and lower

  74. To be able to bend forward when I’m sat with my legs straight out in front

  75. To not hurt my knees when helping out at swimming

  76. To do unassisted versions of exercises I currently do

  77. To live the life I want to live

  78. To not let my weight limit me

  79. To be like the people I admire

  80. To learn new things about myself

  81. To continue being adventurous and willing to try things

  82. To cultivate and maintain relationships

  83. To not be afraid to ask for help

  84. To big myself up among my peers

  85. To love every type of weather

  86. To not be self conscious about my body (especially in a wetsuit)

  87. To have clearer skin and be able to not wear makeup

  88. To create a self disciplined and focus self

  89. To be myself

  90. To make changes to myself because I already love myself

  91. To seek out new opportunities, rather than wait for them to happen

  92. To smash my 4000m meter swim session goal

  93. To feel good in running tights rather than a fat blob

  94. To be able to race, rather than know I’ll be beaten

  95. To be a triathlete

  96. To cycle to work regularly

  97. To dance more

  98. To laugh at myself

  99. To go paddle boarding more often

  100. To kick arse in anything I do (including my own arse!)

Project Lifestyle Purple Cover

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