Tag Archives: Life

Writer’s Block

“Writer’s block is a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work or experiences a creative slowdown. The condition ranges in difficulty from coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years.” Wiki 2015

I realised last week I hadn’t written a new blog post since the 11th July. I did even have any posts in draft, let alone ideas of what to write about. I just lost direction for a while. I tend to stick to the same type of posts as for me it has always been sharing the things I enjoy or am working on. I felt I had nothing to say. I was shutting myself away and knew that was a bad sign for me. I know I need my alone time, but I also know if I start not wanting to do anything with other people I am heading back into a low period and I try to cut those off where I can.

I may not be medication for depression anymore, but I still need the tools I learnt through CBT and therapy. I continue to use them in times when I feel myself pulling away. So that’s what I’ve been doing this last week and it’s working.

So that is what I thought I would share to get over this writer’s block I’ve come up against.

I want to continue to focus on life’s adventures and one of those for me is keeping my mental self strong and supported. It’s okay to feel off kilter for whatever reason, but remembering it is only temporary is important.

Side note: has anyone see Inside Out yet? I loved it! Such a fantastic idea to introduce mental health to the younger generation. It stuck to the known idea of core beliefs and memories that shape who we are. What I loved those was that we can change our core memories as we grow and go through life, and therefore if there are time that are less than stellar we can move through them and create more another time. It was the perfect film for me to go see this week.

I am going to reduce the amount I blog. I want to keep it going but take the pressure off. I want to have something important to say and have a reason for sharing it. Those are the blogs I love to read, and I want my blog to be like them.

Reality Check

This last weekend was an eye opener for me. I walked up and down Snowdon with a group of friends and I really struggled. I am frustrated and disappointed in where I am currently with my fitness. I have let things slide as I have been pulling back from club politics and focusing on myself, but I don’t think I’ve been focusing on the right things.

I found walking up Snowdon really hard work. I had to go slow and take lots of breaks. I wasn’t left on my own, but most of the group were well ahead of me, especially on the steeper bits. I hated being the slowest. I hated how weak I felt.

I felt really out of shape.

I feel really out of shape.

Don’t get me wrong, I am super proud I achieved the walk up in the shape I currently am. And also I didn’t really ache like some of the others did, but my feet suffered. I know I can do better and I want to do better. I know I don’t want to feel like I currently do and I do not want my weight to stop me doing things I enjoy in the future.

It’s time for a reality check and to stop kidding myself it will happen without me putting in the effort required to make it happen.

I want to be fit and strong.

In order to do that, I need to eat well and exercise regularly. I need consistency. It needs to be a way of life. I need to change some habits.  I need overhaul my approach to food. I need to look at my triggers and assess how I can avoid or mitigate them.  I need to change how I think about eating and show myself that overeating is not taking care of myself or being kind to myself.

Life is an adventure.  I have proved to myself I can do anything I set out to and I know I can make it easier on myself by taking better care of myself. So the next part of my journey is to redefine how I take care of myself.

Garden Transformation

I am not great at looking after plants. If they can’t tell me they need food and/water I usually end up killing them through over or under watering. Not even grass is safe from my non green fingers.

So this year, after two years of being in my house, I finally transformed my garden into something i will use and that is low maintenance.

This is the before state of affairs. I can’t be held totally responosbile though! Anyone who has bought a new house know that developers aren’t the best at leaving gardens presentable or flat.  My garden is on a slight slope and the ground was not flattened before the turf was laid and that has been a nightmare since with mowing.

I therefore decided to pave the whole thing over!

Extreme yes, but also totally logical. The builders took about 4 days to complete the whole thing, from digging up excess garden, to creating the base to lay the paving on, that is flat!

The end result is a simple, but so much improved outdoor space I will use and can bring the cats out to enjoy.

It feels so much bigger and it is so nice to be able to put my table and chairs out and for them to be flat.  

I have since collected a number of pots and planted some cat friend herbs, that will hopefully survive my lack of green fingers.

I’m pretty sure I have the thumbs up from Merry and Pippin. It took a few attempts for them to come outside due to the changes from last year, but they did and ahve been nibbling at the shrubs since. Pippin got to 3 of my runner bean seedings straight away, so had to get some protection to keep him away until they can survive cat nibbles.

  

They have been running around the space attempting to catch flies and watching the birds fly across the sky. They go and peer under the gate, but have yet to try and get underneath.   

Overall I am so glad I decided to spend some of my savings and get this done. I know I”ll enjoying going out there as the weather gets warmer and know the cats will also love it.

A New Approach to Life

Weight is such an annoying topic. It seems to permeate into every aspect of my life somehow and that is because I let it. I have managed to attach my self-worth to what I weigh and it is not the way I want to live. It is restricting and uncomfortable (and not only for my body, but also for my mind). I’m trying to look at myself a different way. To look myself in a way in which I can love myself for who I am rather than for what I am. I want the word ‘fat’ to no longer be attached to myself worth. It is just something that is and that means I can change it if I want to. I don’t want it to get in my way anymore, or be an excuse. So I am going to do something about it.

I’m limiting my body’s potential by eating too much (realised after reading Superlatively Rude -I love this girl!) I’m also limiting my own life’s potential. I want to be able to do anything I set my mind to.

I want to change how I look after myself – body, mind, and soul – as I want to feel strong, sexy, adventurous, confident, competent, sassy, accomplished, and even more!

So how can I change how I take care of myself?

  • Body
    • Swimming – work towards a 10km and lake swimming through winter
    • Eat well and not more than I need – cut out the crap!
    • Daily personal care – makeup, clothes, face routine
    • Monthly personal care – waxing, hair
  • Mind
    • Monthly reflections
    • #Askthequestion
    • Managing my finances and spending wisely
    • Work for progress
  • Soul
    • My cats – I love them to bits!
    • Read good books and watch good tv
    • Blog because I love to share, not because I have to blog
    • Enjoying my home and space (especially my new garden space)

I do all of this already, but with no regularity and can feel guilty about them as they are personal things for me only and that can feel selfish. I have realised I spend a lot of time adapting to others and that has to stop. I want to be flexible and reliable, but this needs to be on my own terms, not because someone else thinks it’s selfish of me. I want to focus on different aspects of my life and get away from thinking in terms of diet, fitness, and work. I want to create a fulfilled life even if that changes every month. I’ve been so busy focusing on the same things over and over I’ve lost my sense of creatively and adventure. I want to search it out again. I want to change from thinking about the destination to thinking about the journey and enjoying everything single moment I can for the rest of my life – that is my journey.

DNS (Did Not Start)

I’ve made the decision to pull out of everything triathlon for the foreseeable future. The only way I will be involved is through swimming (doing a relay in May), otherwise I am stepping away and focusing on my own swimming journey.

It has taken me months to realise something wasn’t right with what I was focusing on. I have been struggling with motivation to train and especially to run and I wondered why. I knew it had to be more than just the cold winter months of darkness. I have been in denial about how much I wanted to do triathlon and when the commitment requirement was getting too much I realised I didn’t want to do it at all any more.

So I am withdrawing from the 70.3 I signed up for last year and the Good Friday Tri later this week!

Maybe if I had realised a spoken up sooner I wouldn’t be stepping away completely, but that is with hindsight. Right now I don’t want to have anything to do with triathlon and need to step away before I come to hate it.

I hope I’ll come back to it one day, but I am happy with what I have already achieved. I thought I wanted to do a longer distance, but deep down I know it is not the right time for me to commit to something like this. I have to want it so much that nothing else matters and in truth that is not how I feel right now. I want to progress at work and I want swim in the lake more this summer. I want to spend time at home with my cats and take them into the garden to play and explore. I want to walk and spend time exploring for myself and letting myself wander in both body and mind.

I want so many things, but I don’t want triathlon like that anymore, and that is okay.

I’ve stressed about this for months and even once I made the decision probably over a month ago, I couldn’t bring myself to make it final. I felt guilty and worried I would be letting people down, but I know that if I did carry on I would only be letting myself down as I would not be able to give it my best and that matters to me. I have now told the club (leaving the option for a relay team open) and it is final. I feel so much lighter and less nervous. I know I can now move forwards in the ways I want to, rather than the way I was forcing myself to.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...