Tag Archives: Learning

Things I’m Loving… Mara Glatzel

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I’ve been doing a lot of self-help work over that last year and I am finally feeling in a place where I am loving myself for who I am. Although I still struggle and probably will continue to struggle in certain aspects of life.

I found Mara Glatzel through Shauna at The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl, when she was blogging under Medicinal Marzipan. Now Mara has re-developed her webiste to include the blog and her business of Self-Love Coaching.

This subject area used to be one I avoided. I knew I would want to work on it in the future, but when I was feeling deeply depressed the idea of self-love was just not possible. I didn’t hate myself, but I didn’t trust myself and therefore couldn’t love myself. My self-esteem was extremely low last year and was very dependent on what others thought of me. A big part of my depression has been caused from comparing myself to others and not feeling good enough.

I now use the mantra ‘I am enough’ when I am feeling low. It gets me out of the must solve a problem mentality and lets me ride the wave without being sucked under. I am aware of how I feel, what my thoughts are but I remind myself ‘I am enough’. This has been a big help with the job hunting and going to interviews and believing in myself.

So I come back to Mara and her fantastic blog and website. I signed up to the newsletter straight away and worked through the 5 Days of Deserving writing prompts last week. I really enjoyed these writing prompts as I opened up to myself more than I have done in a long time. They focus on life, work, relationships and then writing a personal Manifesto of Deserving. If you want to have a go at self-exploration sign up for the newsletter to get these prompts. It is eye opening. I felt vulnerable but okay with feeling that way. Feeling vulnerable didn’t lead to feeling ashamed, which I think is where I would go before. I would feel selfish and guilty that I wanted things for me and that I want relationships to benefit me as well as the other person. Basically it made me think about what I deserve and why.

I am going to get Mara’s book Body Loving Homework in September and work through the prompts as part of my Wandering Beyond Angie work. I won’t be publishing the prompts as you will have to get the book yourself for those, but I will monitor how I feel about the work.

I feel I am starting a new journey and loving myself is probably the most important part of living my life to the full.

Go over and take a look at Mara’s site!

 

The Big D Update

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Yesterday I had a check up about my depression with my doctor and it went really well.

I feel so much better and knowing that I make progress every couple of months is great. I no longer feel nervous about going in. I know I have been working hard in a variety of ways and feel better for it. I also know it is okay to admit when things weren’t great.

I was honest about how overwhelmed I felt in July. I then talked about the last 3-4 weeks and how much better I have felt. Exercise is important for me. Sleep is also extremely important to me as it can affect everything! But mainly in the last few weeks how my eating has improved.

I asked him not to take my blood pressure as I had just come from a job interview and knew it would be high and I was feeling stressed and anxious but was coping with it. He agreed and made a note to take it next time. He did get me to get on the scales. The doctor’s scales are different from my home ones, but since I last got weighed there are the end of June I have lost about 6kg he said. Almost a stone in weight! I was surprised and happy. It was like proof that what I was saying was true. I know I shouldn’t need that, but with depression it’s hard to feel I am making progress as I am with myself everyday. I am not recording this as a weight personally, but am happy to know it’s on my file.

I still struggle with sleeping. Mainly getting off to sleep. I can spend anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours trying to get to sleep. I’ve been on a different medication since returning from my trip and it’s helping as I am definitely sleeping through the night better than I was. I can tell this from my Ki Fit data. I was averaging 65% sleep efficiency a night when I first got it, now I am up to 75% to 85%, which is a great improvement. My doctor has upped my dose slightly to help getting to sleep, but I have to see him again in a month to make sure it is working as it should.

I am okay with still being on medication as I know it is helping. I don’t want to be on it forever, but I don’t want to come off of it before I’m ready. I like that the medication I am on is specifically designed to help with sleep problems and anxiety, these are the areas I feel I need to work on and am happy to have help with these areas.

Depression sucks, but I finally feel I’m working my way towards the daylight at the end of the tunnel :)

 

 

May Goals Review

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May – I’m glad to be done with May.

I’m starting June with a clearer head and more focused. I lost sight of the important things last month and I don’t want to let that happen this month.

I am pleased to say I met 80% of my goals, but it was hard and a few days ago I thought I was going to just miss it! But I worked hard the last few days of the month and completed 82.5% of them :)

  • Steps = 95% complete
  • Daily Activity = 121% complete
  • Vigorous Activity = 73% complete
  • Swim = 106% complete
  • Exercise Classes = 106% complete
  • Jog (Changed from Bike) = 25% complete
  • Daily Calorie Deficit = 8% complete
  • Study Sessions = 125% complete

Because I completed over 80% of my goals I am treating myself to some Joseph Joseph Chopping Boards :)

It is clear where my weaknesses are and that I why I chose to focus on them for June. I have everything I need to work towards my goals. I just need to stay focused and determined and motivation will follow.

It is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it!

Check back next month to see how I get on :)

Checking In With My Goals

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This time last month I worked to SMARTen up my goals and I am going to do monthly check ins to make sure I am staying on track.

So it has been 4 weeks since I stated these goals on my blog and as I am writing this I’m not sure how I’ve been getting on. This is where I forget and lose track of my goals and progress then stop working towards them. But this time I have set up a monthly reminder to check in and keep going.

Goal One – Study Commitment

This goal has been going well. I started studying the first module on 21st April, so it has been 5 weeks so far. I have set myself regular study sessions and do a good job of sticking to them, but also allow myself to be flexible to make sure I don’t miss out on doing stuff with my friends. In this first module there are 20 chapters and I have completed 16 in 5 weeks.

The next steps for this goal are:

  • Complete Online course
  • Book exam date
  • Set up Schedule and Revise module
  • Start next module

Goal Two – Lose Weight

This goal is my hardest, and I have been up and down in the last 4 weeks. But I have lost 4lbs! Which is meets my goal of losing 1lb a week. Looking at this has really helped boost my determination as I had forgotten what I had lost because of all the non consistency.

Next Steps:

  • Keep tracking with Ki Fit
  • Aim for consistent weight loss and calorie deficit
  • Meal Plan – From this week I have made time to do this in my diary

Goal Three – Swim 10km

This goal is going well. I have really swam well in the last few weeks and have my first 3km swim this weekend. I’ve done some good distance session with Steve in the last couple of weeks and even had a personal challenge this last week to swim 500m sets. Its been hard, but I feel fantastic doing it.

Next Steps:

  • 3km Open Water Swims
  • Open Water Practice
  • Keep swimming in the pool
  • Work on fitness outside the pool

 

I am so glad I sat down to look at my goals and progress. I feel so much better as I can actually see progress over the last month, even though I can’t sometimes see it during the week.  It’s all about making sure the goals are measurable so you can see the progress. There are things I need to work on so I will ensure I put more effort into this areas over the next month and will check back in then :)

Solitude

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Solitude, a state of seclusion, not to be confused with social isolation or loneliness. Source

I value solitude. A Lot!

I like being on my own. It gives me chance to think and be myself. But I also know too much of it can lead to loneliness. At the moment I need solitude. It help me stop sinking. Weird? Maybe, but it works for me!

I have felt my sinking for a while. I thought my 2 month holiday would make everything okay, but I was fantasising. I left things and everything got better. Then I came back with a renewed sense of me and felt great. Unfortunately the same pressures are still present and over time wear away the defences I built up.

It’s been hard to admit I’m struggling, but I am.

This weekend I have given myself some time off from everyone I know. I still went out and did things – like my open water swim seminar - but on my own.

It felt good. I felt in control for the most part. I felt like the person I want to be. I didn’t have to make any effort to defend that person. I am me.

I find it hard at work to be the person I want to be. I get sucked into becoming the child, because I am treated like one by the other (older) members of my team. I hate it and I become the defensive, stubborn child.

It’s time to move on. I am trying to put my efforts into proactive and constructive activities – like job hunting!

Swimming is my escape. Exercise is also an escape, but I find it hard to motivate myself at the moment to go on my own.

Solitude is my other escape. This weekend has been what I needed. I put solitude on a lower priority level over the last couple of months and have paid for it emotionally.

I don’t know where I am going in the next few months, but I have to remember to take care of myself as I’m no good to myself or anyone else otherwise.

 

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