Adventures in Books… The Silver Linings Playbook

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This is the first real book I’ve read this year! Crazy but true. With my commute I just don’t feel like reading in the evenings as I tend to be on the tired side.

I picked this book up back in January and even went against my unwritten rule of not buying books with movie covers! I went against this as I do like the two actors on the cover.

I read this book in a day. I had a dive day on Sunday and got stuck into this book. Plus I got the email to say my dvd order of this is being delivered this week! It is a really easy read so took no time at all to get into.

I liked the premise of the book:

“Pat Peoples knows that life doesn’t always go according to plan, but he’s determined to get his back on track. After a stint in a psychiatric hospital, Pat is staying with his parents and trying to live according to his new philosophy: get fit, be nice and always look for the silver lining. Most importantly, Pat is determined to be reconciled with his wife Nikki. Pat’s parents just want to protect him so he can get back on his feet, but when Pat befriends the mysterious Tiffany, the secrets they’ve been keeping from him threaten to come out . . .”

The characters are  interesting and likeable. I found it easy to relate to some of the feelings described in the book, but others not so much. The obsessive nature of Pat was interesting to watch and see develop over the story. The people in Pat’s life and how they interact was also very interesting to me, as I find that the hardest to understand in my own life. Watching Pat take everything in and trying to figure things out was heart breaking in some ways. Knowing that the people you trust are keeping things from you to keep you safe from yourself must be hard to deal with. The ending left me feeling weird. The whole story comes out, but it didn’t feel finished. But then I suppose life doesn’t end like books do. That was just one chapter of Pat’s life we were privy to. I wonder how the rest of his life turns out.
I am looking forward to watching the film to see how it was interpreted. I think certain relationships with be given more emphasis than others and that some events will be left out. It will be interesting to see how the character is brought across as we won’t have access to Pat’s head like we do in the book.
Overall a good book dealing with depression and relationships in a way that I haven’t read before. I will be looking out for the author’s next book.

3 Month Plan Week 2

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Overall an awful week! I turned to food for comfort and gains 4lbs.

I am using this week as a lesson to look back on when times get tough again. I have made some plans on how to deal with the loneliness I’ve been feeling this last week. Hopefully this will help me not turn to food in those times. It is also something I plan to go over again with my therapist.

Also I’m glad Easter is over and the deals on chocolate will no longer be so tempting – at least until the christmas stuff reappears in August! I am going to work on my plan to avoid food shops unless I actually need to go into them. Using my vegetable and fruit box has been going well. I’ve been meal prepping at the weekends and basing my lunches and dinners around what I get each week. I’ve also planned to have eggs for breakfast during the week in order to up my protein and hopefully keep me fuller for longer. I also bought some instant porridge to have in my work drawer as a snack, rather than breakfast biscuits or buy something from the work cafe.

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 at 19.29.18So looking at my statistics, I’m happy with my activity and steps, but not so much with my calories burnt. Ignore the consumed column as tracking went out the window at the weekend. My sleep has improved slightly, but that is probably because it was a long weekend and I got some lie ins.

I read something weekend and it hit me hard – You can’t out exercise a bad diet. I know this is true and yet it is something I keep trying to do. I need to remember that I need to treat my body nicely and well and it in return with serve me well through life. At the moment I am punishing my body through food and exercise and this needs to change if I am ever going to lead the life I want to. Again this is something I am going to talk to my therapist about.

This is a new week and I’m going to start as I mean to go on. I am going to focus on my diet and the food I put into my body. I need food that will sustain it and as I have signed up for two 5 miles runs with running club and a triathlon I need to focus on getting myself fitter and in a good position to complete these events.

 

Lonely

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This week I’ve felt very lonely and have been using food to fill the hole that is opening up.

I’m don’t normally feel lonely like this. I like being on my own. I like being independent and live to my own routine and schedule. But this week something has been missing.

I think this something has been missing for a while if I want to be truly honest with myself. I’m not the most social person, but I get out to running club and swimming club and socialise. But I don’t hang out with anyone. I haven’t been to the cinema or grabbed a coffee with anyone who isn’t family in too long. I look at my phone and wonder who I could call, but the people who spring to mind I’ve pushed away. It’s not all my fault, but I have to take responsibility for my part.

The last year has been like hell for me. I only feel things are starting to look up in the last few months. I got a new job and moved into my own house. But there is something missing that I have been trying to ignore or tell myself I don’t need, but I do.

I think the worst part is I don’t know how to fill the hole. I’ve used food this week and it just makes me feel worse as I goes against the plan I for myself. I need to take small steps to develop new friendships. It’s going to be hard, but I need to force myself to do them so I don’t sink back to a place where I can’t climb out of.

So I have a plan ;)

I’ve signed up for two 5 mile club events in April and June. These are two local events and I plan to go with the running club and go with the flow by getting a lift with someone and hanging out after.

I have also signed up for a Triathlon in May! This is organised by one of the running club captains, so I will use this as a way to get to know them and volunteer to help with other events they run.

The little things I want to do is get out of the house and go for coffee more often. I reduced it due to budget, but I realise that it is a nice way of bumping into people in my local town so I will get back to doing this. I will also go for coffee after the Parkrun next month as a few of the running club members meet after and chat, so I will make it my mission to do that.

I don’t want to overdo it, so having these plans in place makes me happier. It doesn’t help with the feeling I have right now, but I will be strong and get out of the house.

I think the thing we forget when we lonely is that everyone else feels it at some point too. It’s easy to feel like I’m the only one out there that knows what it feels like, but logically I know it’s not true.

I wonder if loneliness is the source of my issues with food. I always binge eat alone. I don’t like eating in front of other people and I always think about what I can eat when no one is around. The feeling of shame is brought up a lot. Guilt and shame are feelings I have come to know too well. They almost feel normal, which is horrible to admit. When I think about being lonely I feel ashamed and that is worrying and scary. I somehow feel like I’ve failed. Like I’ve failed at life somehow. Unable to let people in and hold on to them. I wonder what type of person I am who does this. Not a nice thought path to go down I can tell you!

I think this is coming to the surface as I’ve been doing a lot of CBT work with my therapist. It’s not permanent as it’s on the NHS, but I’m glad I’m doing it. I think I will need to get a private therapist after as I think I need someone to talk to without worrying if I make sense or about what I am saying. I like just being honest with someone. There aren’t many people I can be like that with.

So I’m admitting I’m lonely, but I am going to do little things to improve it and make it part of developing the me I want to be :)

Adventures in Audiobooks… Moon Over Soho

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I got this audiobook from the library as I thought I should give it a go even though I didn’t really fully enjoy the first book in the series – Rivers of London.

I am glad I did as I enjoyed this one a lot more than the first. I think it was the narrator as he made the character more likeable. He wasn’t great for the female parts as to me they sounded a lot older than they were meant to be. The main female character and love interest was meant to be 30, but to me I pictured at least a 50 year woman, so that was a bit annoying. Otherwise he made the book really interesting.

This books continued to use the geography of London to base the story and I liked it even though I don’t know London that well. I liked that the author had taken the time to show the detail of the world.

The story centred about the jazz scene and that was interesting too. It had history and intrigue, which kept me engaged throughout. There were two story lines or crimes that became linked as the story developed. The story was very dark and creepy at points, but that was nice after reading a lot of young adult fiction lately. There were definitely bits I didn’t feel were necessary, but overall I enjoyed the turns the story took.

I think another thing about enjoying this more as an audiobook because I didn’t get stuck in how long the chapters were. That is something i remember being quite annoying in the last book as I couldn’t just sit and read a chapter, as they were long. But being in the car it wasn’t noticeable.

There is another book in the series so far and I’ll be getting that as a audiobook at some point in the future :)

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