Carrying on from yesterday’s post and looking at why I eat too much and/or binge of unhealthy foods. This is the crux of it. It is the thing that is holding me back and stopping me reaching my goals. It is also something I can do something about.
I have various reasons for eating too much and tell myself these things whenever the mood takes hold.
- it tastes good
- I’m treating myself
- I’m on my own so no one will know
- it’s the last time
- I’m happy/sad – or whatever emotion that has taken hold
- I won’t buy it again
We probably all do this, but for a binge eater these kinds of thoughts are the probelm. they are learned behaviours that were there to help us in difficult times, but no longer serve the purpose.
I think for me it was other people telling me I was not hungry or to finish eating something when I wasn’t hungry in my childhood. Not just my parents, but in school as well. I was taught to see food as good or bad. So I picked up on the ‘all-or-nothing’ way fo thinking early on and it has stuck with me ever since. I ahve rules such as don’t have chocolate in the housem which translates into if I’ve bought some I have to eat it all right then so not to break the rul – it sounds crazy when I write it down, but it’s there.
I wonder whether the experiment with the kid who was given a sack full of sweets and could decide when they wanted to eat them and even if they ate them all it would be refilled, and after time they just forgot about it as they learned food would always be there and they could have some when they wanted – I wonder if that would have worked with me. I think I would probably be the worst chocolate factory employee ever as could probably eat chocolate every day!
In case it runs out! It’s a treat! – I didn’t learn moderation as a child and I am struggling with the impact.
For me it is all about that moment I want something. With food its always something sweet. It’s usually related to feelings and the desire to distract from them. I then punish myself for my behaviour.
My tool for this is supposed to be urge surfing where you find rate the urge then find something to do for 10 minutes, then rate it again. You have to continue until the urge has waned like a wave. I’ve always struggled with this to the point I’ve been shaking all over (this was extreme and was specifically because of a trigger event I was dreading) and the only way I could calm myself was to eat.
I have to find other ways of dealing with it. I want to lose weight, but overall I want to be healthy mentally and physically.
I hope moving jobs and having more time/energy from not commuting will allow me to tackle this head on over the next couple of months. I want to stop binging and lose weight and adapt the rule and core beliefs that support this continued behaviour.