Restlessness

I’m restless right now.

I love a lot of my life right now, but at the same time I know I want more. I love my house with my cats and the freedom I have in my new job and the future travels I have planned. But, I’m having a severe case of small-town syndrome, which started late last year and hasn’t disappeared.

Part of me wonders if it’s another symptom of everything not being quite right with how I am thinking about things. I wonder if it stems from wanting to jump into something new to distract from the things causing me discomfort right now. I need a bit more time to work through things in therapy before I make any life changing decisions, but at the same time I can try to calm my restlessness by looking at options.

I’m currently on a contract with work so there may be an opportunity next year to move form my small town to a city. I want to live in a city just once. It might not end up being right for me, but I want to try it out. I also want to try out living by the coast and up in the mountains at some point in my life. I’ve come to realise I don’t want to stay living where I am forever and I’m okay with that. I like a base, but after a few years I need to move onto something new and that is exciting.

It is about being brave and stepping out into the unknown every so often. I need to take myself out of my comfort zone to make sure I am living my life to the full and not becoming complacent. 

My heart has not yet found it’s permanent place and it may never find it. I’m not a nomad, but I want to move around and experience different things. I thought I would be living abroad this time 10 years ago, but I didn’t go after it. My dreams have changed and that is okay, but I won’t ignore them any more or let the everyday distract me from what I really want to live my life for.

I am curious about what life can hold. I’ve made decisions about my life already that mean I need to find my fulfillment away from the norm. I don’t want to conform with a traditional way of life. This might be my way of rebelling against the life part of me thinks I should want. I really want adventure and exploration! My versions of these are probably very different from other people’s and again that is okay with me. In the end as long as I am living the life I want to live what else is there to be concerned with?

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