Taking a look back to move forward

It’s been an interesting few months in my world. I’ve got back on the blogging train and have been posting consistently for the last couple of months, which has felt great. Although I don’t think I’ve been blogging about my journey and adventures in life really. I’ve been showing the happy, fun-filled side, but not the harder, darker side that is there behind the scenes. Dark is probably the wrong word, but that is often how depression is described. Maybe grey would be better, as then can turn to silver (a favourite of mine) and so also shows that you can come out the other side. But as with grey clouds you can slip behind them every so often. That is nothing to be ashamed of I’ve come to learn. We all have off days, but the key for anyone with depression is to not let them become a low period. I’m happy with how I’ve been doing mentally these last few months as I could have let myself slip a long way into the grey, but I didn’t. However I have gone back to some habits and coping mechanisms that are not beneficial to me. It’s because they are easy and known that bring comfort at those lower periods. I want to work on this and so I’m heading back to therapy.

I need some help and this feels the right time to focus on myself. Later this year I have a trip of a lifetime and several friends are getting married and I want to celebrate with them to the full. So I am dipping into my savings to treat to myself well. This blog is one of my outlets and I will continue to share my experiences through this time in my life as I have through the past 5 years with my journey through depression. It’s one part of my life and impacts on other aspects so I am not going to ignore it or shy away from the subject. If I can help in any way to combat the stigma about mental health illnesses and show that it’s important to get the help you need without guilt or shame I will be happy.

My focus this time is around my weight and behaviours when it comes to food. I want to work with my new therapist to discover what caused this and work to find other coping mechanisms that will be much more helpful. It is not focused on losing weight, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am hoping it’s a side effect of working through the issues. My weight is a symptom of the issues, so I need to treat the real cause as I’ve done the symptom approach before and pretty much gained all the weight back as of last week. So it’s time to take a different approach.

I’m also doing my own work at looking at body image and body posivitity and am currently listening to a range of new podcasts that I’ll share another time. I have also extended my reading list to include a vast amount of books by women I admire and have shared their stories. I’ll be working my way through using audiobooks and reading. I feel hopeful right now. I think this is about my approach and my way of thinking and relieved about moving away from dieting and focusing on my own wellness and what really makes me feel good. It’s a journey and learning curve and I won’t get it ‘right’ straight away, but I’m going to find what works for me and part of that will be being able to adapt to life’s changes as they come along. That feels exciting!

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