Confidence is weird

Confidence is a weird thing. People often tell me I’m confident, but I rarely would say it about myself. Maybe in certain situations where I know my stuff, but the majority of the time I doubt myself.

I recently read this article by Mindy Kaling and now I want to read her books, because she comes across as someone who is honest and will admit when they have made mistakes and I like that. I’m not infallible and am willing to hold my hands up and admit when I’m wrong and I want to surround myself by people and environment like that.

This quote right at the end of the article struck a chord with me:

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.”

From this it reminded me about my sense of self and that I am not alone in anything I set out to do. I think she is the first person to say your parents don’t have to be the ones you take all your advice from. I love my parents, but I also feel they want me to be like them, but I’m not and that is okay.

I believe confidence comes from within. I’ve learnt from experience that seeking external motivation or validation doesn’t work, so I think it’s the same with confidence. But at the same time I do not believe in the mantra, ‘fake it until you make it’. A lack of confidence can be a good thing. It can drive you on or it can point you in another direction. You don’t have to be confident in every single thing you do.

Before reading the article above I would have said it takes practice, but wouldn’t have equated that with work – weird I know! Then I realised they are the same thing; practice equals working hard. It all depends on your attitude and how much you want it.

I haven’t been feeling very confident about anything lately. I know some of that is because I have been working at something that hasn’t been worth it. I also know I have let this impact other areas where I would usually be confident. So now I am taking control and owning that shit that I want to put hard fucking work into. I am going to be brave and if needs be I’m going to be selfish.

As Mindy says I’m going to work hard, know my shit, show my shit, and then feel entitled.

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