I’ve been struggling recently, but have realised this is because I have been pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. By A LOT!
I thought I was just letting everything get to me, but taking some time out has made me realise what I have really been doing; challenging myself and putting myself above the parapet. In a way the things I have been doing are not new, but rather they are things I don’t tend to do outside of work. In work I lead projects and meetings and difficult conversations, but outside I don’t get involved in the politics of things.
I’ve been standing up for something I am passionate about and trying to lead it. I’ve confronted difficult people or asked for help from others with them to keep it professional and not personal or emotional. I’ve spoken my opinions about things and suggested ideas for how things could be improved. I have said my piece and I’m proud of myself for this and for knowing it is right to step away now.
Finding balance is essential for me and dealing with the above has taken the joy of activities I was taking part in for fun. I have also let toxic and negative people in to my life after working so hard to remove those kinds of people from it. I have been dealing with stress and anxiety over the last 6 months and have let other people get to me and let it hold me back from doing the things I love. I dread going places I might run into some people. I hate that!
Instead of finding healthy ways to cope with the anxiety, I have reverted to only way I know how – by eating and pulling away. I have realised it is no wonder I have been struggling with health and fitness when I’ve been feeling so anxious and challenging myself with realising. I’ve been pushing myself so hard, but not taking the time to sit and listen and find out what is wrong. I’ve not been kind to myself in recent months.
So what I am going to do about this?
- Walk away from the thing that is causing my anxiety
- Remove the toxic people from my life
- Sign up to the beginners running group starting in September
- Journal my eating, thoughts and emotions
- Spend time with friends who lift me up
- Focus on getting myself healthy and fit for me and me alone
I feel such a sense of relief that I can finally say I am done with something that is causing me pain. It’s amazing what we continue to do to ourselves to help other people. Helping others is the only reason I have continued as I originally pulled out at the start of the year, but decided to help when asked to do so by friends. Now though, enough is enough, and the politics behind other peoples actions is not worth the stress or anxiety it is causing me. There are things worth fighting for, but then there are others that are not worth it. Sometimes it’s extremely hard to know the difference, but working to make an informed decision is what has worked for me