Comfortable, Yet Not

This year has been great. I feel in a good place and am enjoying life. There are things I’m working to make better, such as working towards the next level at work and having more money. But overall I have made great strides in creating the life I want and enjoy every day. There is much less guilt and shame than there used to be. I feel content and comfortable in my head.

However it is not the same in my body. This is not me being negative, but honest. I have hated the hot weather this year. I have felt uncomfortable in my clothes and doing things as I get hot really easily and then feel self-conscious because I sweat (also a lot). It hasn’t stopped me doing things I really want to, but it has made me lose motivation for running. My body is just not up for it right now.

I haven’t felt like this physically in a good number of years and it is reminding me of all the horrible things associated with being overweight. So I want to do something about it. It’s no secret I’ve been trying for the whole year (since before I started this blog) and nothing has stuck. I have resisted everything. It would be easy to beat myself up for this and punish myself with a strict regime, but I’m not going to do that this time. I want to treat myself and my body well.

I had to go out and buy linen trousers for work because of the heat. I also had to make sure they had an elasticated waist band to makes sure I would be comfortable in them all day. All my other work trousers are not feeling good at the moment. I haven’t had to do this in a long time and I didn’t like it. I like to buy clothes as I seem them if I like them, rather than have to. I hate having to shop for something specific as you can usually guarantee no shop will have it at the time you need it.

Getting the kittens and following the guide for the amount of food they need is making me responsible to their health and I wonder why I haven’t felt the same way about my own health. I’m usually okay during the day at sticking to meals and only snacking on fruit, but I’ve made it too easy not to eat well in the evening. I get stuck between listening to my body and keeping a structure of 3 meals a day. There are some days where I feel hungry all day no matter what and that is when I crack under the pressure.

Sometimes I just need to get out how I’m feeling and try to get my thoughts in some kind of logical order in order to reflect and move forward. I don’t have the answers, but I am not going to stop trying to find out what works for me and will help shape the body that will support the life I am leading and want to continue to lead.

A post Nic wrote last week on her blog really struck a cord with me – Practical Help. I feel I talk about this a lot and don’t make any progress. I frustrate myself as I hate it when other people do this to me and just like Nic am someone who looks for ways to take action. Not necessarily solve a problem, but do something to alleviate the bad from a situation. Yet I’m not doing this myself for myself. I’m trying to balance being kind and being determined to make the changes I want to make, but get frustrated with the lack of progress.  So I am going to sit down and look at this as though a friend was coming to me with the same thing – what would I advise them to do? I want to practically help myself.

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One thought on “Comfortable, Yet Not

  1. I walked into work the other day and was told that I looked summery, I replied that I felt as fat as a market hog! I feel hot and ungainly and unfit, that’s how I feel when I’m hot. Good like with the thinking, if you want to hash it out a bit, give me a shout!

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