I’ve lost motivation and determination.
I’m so tired.
I just want to get my eating under control – to be normal.
I think I am doing too much and starting to not enjoy it.
I took Tuesday night off swimming because I didn’t want to go. I felt guilty until I realised the reason I didn’t want to go was not because of the swimming, but because I needed some down time on my own. I’d just spent the whole weekend with people and then straight back to work. I needed some time in my own home and in my own head.
I’ve enjoyed being busy and meeting lots of people who are becoming friends. But I need to schedule in time for me, especially after prolonged periods with other people. It makes me tired and I feel rude for being not happy, when all I want to do is put on my resting bitch face and not move from the sofa for a good few hours.
I’ve also been slacking off the exercise since my triathlon. Although I’m coming to the realisation that – Exercise doesn’t need to be structured to be good for me. My swimming coaching gets me out of the house and active for an hour. I can enjoy a cycle ride without having to head for the steepest hills. I can go for a walk and enjoy looking at the sights, getting lost exploring, or enraptured by a podcast.
Also I cannot exercise out a bad diet. I need to get this sorted and exercise will compliment that. It will also make exercise more enjoyable.
It’s been too easy to binge recently, so I need to make some changes. I’m not sure what they are yet, but in my review of May I’ll look back over the last 5 months and see what worked and what didn’t and try to move forward from there. I’m going to keep it simple though and focus on calories and less junk food. I also need to prioritise sleep.
I also feel like I’m slacking on this blog. I kind of binge write posts and schedule them all in. Then nothing for a while then go and do the same again. I wonder if I should start doing every day or every other day, even when I don’t think I have something to say.
I just feel all the over the place and all I want to do is curl up under my duvet and not do anything. Otherwise I feel really neutral. Not happy or sad, but okay. Just tired – even after just having a whole week off work!
I don’t want this to be a winge post, but I needed to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of order in order to understand and take action of what I trying to tell myself.