What do I believe about myself?

What do I believe about myself that is keeping me fat or overeating?

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not normal
  • I don’t matter

(just typing those make me well up with tears – they hurt deep within)

I eat to make myself feel better. I eat to not deal with

Deep down these are my core beliefs about myself. I found these out in CBT last year. I’ve been working on my thoughts and behaviours to try influence and change my rules for living and then hopefully my core beliefs.

I’m not sure where these came from. I’m not looking to blame anyone. I know I learnt these beliefs somewhere, but whether that was from my parents, friends, school, strangers, or TV, it doesn’t matter right now. Blame doesn’t solve them.

These are hard to change and may never change. I can things about them though and make sure I live my life in a way that challenges them and builds up an evidence base that supports the opposite. I am going to switch them around and tell myself every day that I am the opposite of what I belief.

Simple Mantras for me:

  • I am good enough
  • I am my normal
  • I matter

I think this is the essence of Project Lifestyle. It is about showing myself that I deserve to be treated well by myself.

I’ve started my own Project Lifestyle Journal and Wall Chart (shout out to CocoGirlButter for the inspiration) and breaking down my days into the key components of what I believe make up the lifestyle I want to live.

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For me:

  • Nutrition – this is about finding a balance and the foods that make me feel good, not guilty – this is also about not binging on food
  • Activity – anything that means I haven’t been sat down all day, but it doesn’t have to be structured exercise
  • Sleep – aiming for 8 hours night and monitor how restful it actually is
  • Water – this really should be hydration
  • Thoughts – this is about spending a little time making sure my thoughts are positive and helpful and challenging any that aren’t so not to let them fester

I hope by focusing on these 5 things I will develop simple long lasting habits that will go a long way towards the goal of living the rest of my life.

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I want to step away from rewards, but for every pound I lose I am going to add £1 to a jar and keep to spend on something impulsive when I reach my happy and maintainable weight. I want that jar to be my mini savings account. I love saving for things and at the moment it’s hard to commit to an amount every month, but this is for me. This is instead of the money I spend on binge food buys.  I’m collecting stars and for every time I get 7 stars (not essential) I’ll add another £1 to my savings pot.

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I need to put the work in in order to ingrain these habits into my life. I want these to become normal for me. I can the spend time working towards other things I haven’t even thought of yet because I am so consumed by Project Lifestyle.  Right now is the perfect time for me to focus on myself as I can’t get distracted by planning other things like holiday adventures.  I can focus on me without any distractions. I am doing this for me.

Just a random note on the bottom of this post – I decided to enter the London Marathon ballot. If I get a place I will do it, but if not I won’t be disappointed. I just felt like this was something I would do and went with the flow.

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