I feel like I’m failing, when I know I’m not really. I pin so much success on losing weight, when that is just one part of creating the lifestyle I want to live. The problem is I also know that losing weight will make my fitness workstream even more successful. It will help with my confidence on the social workstream and also my career workstream. I know it will impact on my mental health, but I am trying super hard to not focus on that and promote my mental health as a separate thing that isn’t reliant on it, for my mental health’s sake.
Overall March has been full of ups and downs. I’ve felt both good and bad at various points. I’ve been plagued by comparison thoughts and worry about the future. So I started my CBT work back up. I’ve also been hit by a dip in motivation for swimming specifically, but also the gym and getting up early. I need to have a sit down and rethink now I need to add bike time into my workout time. I want to relook at things I want and then how I get there. So my mental health workstream didn’t go to plan, but I managed, which is really the aim of the CBT from last year.
The fitness workstream for March as a little delayed as it took longer than planned for my work to pay for my bike. I only picked it up on the 25th March, so most of the month had gone before I had chance to ride it. However I did go on a bike maintenance course and learnt a lot about bikes and cycling and feel confident about starting to cycle to work. I also took my triathlon assessment and passed the practical and portfolio and am just waiting for the exam result.
The nutrition workstream started out okay. i was tracking everything even when I binged and could see the results. However towards the end of the month I started to binge more and really struggled to be accountable. I have kept up the giving up chocolate part though! There have been a couple of times I’ve forgotten and had a biscuit (at my bike course), but I have not bought any chocolate for myself and the sweet tree I made is still sitting waiting to be eaten. So when I think about it what I set out to do this month I’ve achieved and I am a pound lighter than last month.
The career workstream this month was a harder one as I didn’t know what to focus on. I ended up thinking about my development and how I can improve talking to my line manager. She is lovely, but I always struggle to ask for what I want. I felt selfish or inadequate, but I promoted the fact I have more capacity and have already been give more work. I just need to work out how I can develop going forward and what i need to learn.
The social workstream was focused on all the events I had in the last month. I can tell you I am looking forward to this coming weekend where I have no plans and can decide exactly what I want to do on the day. I struggled towards the end of the month with wanting to be around people, but I knew I was tired. I pushed myself to go to an extra event and felt good for doing so, but I do need to make sure I plan time in for myself and say no to things that I really don’t want to do. It will be hard, but saying no in the long run will be better for me as I can be a miserable sod if I’m tired and don’t want to be somewhere. I connected with the ladies at my running club this last month and have made an effort of the book to comment on the club activities and random things that get posted, so feel very welcome. I also coached some session with my swimming club and that was a nice way to see another side of people.
Overall it’s been a good month and I’ve done all the things I set out to do. My weight is taking centre stage in April with a huge focus on my eating plan. I’m using weight watchers again and plan to make this work. I want to be half a stone lighter by May!