I need to get out of my denial head. I don’t want to be fat when I turn thirty!
So I have to do something about my eating. I have to say no to myself and other people when it comes to food.
I spent the weekend feeling fat and horrible. I spend every running session wishing I didn’t carry the extra weight. I hate the way my clothes fit, or don’t fit. I hate that I haven’t brought anything new to wear in ages. I wished I could have worn a dress to my friend’s party or my dad’s 65th this last weekend. I hate myself whenever I eat. So of course I comfort myself with food. It can’t go on this way.
I’ve given up chocolate for lent and it’s been great. I haven’t craved it. I’ve had a chocolate sweet tree sat in my house for two weeks and although I’ve been tempted I’ve avoided it. I also need to give up cake and biscuits. Temporarily at least, to lose the taste for them. To show myself I can survive and be okay without them.
I need to find a substitute. Something that will fill the hole the eating is trying to fill. I know I’m an emotional eater. I eat when I’m alone. I eat when I’m feeling, sad, lonely, happy, angry, powerless, emotional in general. I eat to sooth myself. I don’t know any other way.
I’m going to shift to protein shakes and bars at first. I am going to read more books or go to the cinema. I am going to do the projects I want to do. I am going to finish watching all the TV shows I started and never finished. I am going to order my food shopping to be delivered.
It’s going to be hard. I’m going to feel rubbish. I’m going to be sad, angry, happy, lonely, emotional in general. I need to not fight it and let myself feel what I need to felt as I let go of my blanket and comforter.
I have to control my food consumption. I like rules and structure and so a plan is what I need. SO I have signed back up to WeightWatchers for a fresh start a lifestyle change.
Project Lifestyle won’t succeed without intervention from myself on this front. Exercise I have down. It will need to work with my eating, but I’ll figure that out as I go. Mental Health I feel good about. Career I feel okay about and have a plan for the year ahead. Social I also feel surprisingly good about. So I can put all my effort in to nutrition and keep the other spinning quite nicely without the same effort.
I have to be honest with myself. I can’t exercise out a bad diet and I have a bad diet. So it’s time to make this change and cut out the crap and focus on the good, no great food I eat and that benefits my body. I don’t need the sugar and fats. Some is okay, we need some of everything, but not binges. So I am going to start tracking my binge free progress. It’s an addiction and one I cannot give into.
It sucks I have a rubbish relationship with food. I recognise it so I can do something about it. I can measure what I eat and I can set a budget for it. Because I am paying for WW I have an incentive to make it count. Nothing is forbidden, but I can ask myself if it is worth it.
I have seven weeks until my first triathlon of the years and of my Up & Running course. I would like to lose a stone (14lbs) by then.
I’m going to post a photo of my WW tracker at the end of eat day, or beginning of the next one if I forget! My goal is to stay within my point allowance every day and not use my weekly or activity.
I start today!