Has anyone else felt down not long after they started a new job?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m really enjoying it, but I have had to make a sacrifice salary wise to get into a company I’ve always wanted to work for, and it’s stressing me out a little. I also feel like I don’t know where I’m heading in my work life and personal life. It feels like I’ve taken a step backwards and I don’t know how long it will take to move forward again. I’m not looking to be just given anything. I want to earn it, but am feeling impatient and a bit unlucky.
I know this feeling is temporary. The initial adrenaline of starting a new job has worn off and I don’t know exactly what I’m doing for everything yet so find it hard to be proactive. I want to work hard and do well and then move forward. But I don’t know what I’m working towards if that makes sense.
I’m trying very hard not to compare myself to others, but it’s so hard. I am trying to focus on what is important to me and look for things I’ve stopped doing from my past I used to enjoy. I used to read for an entire evening, but I haven’t done that in ages – usually because I’ve got something on exercise wise. I need to find that balance again in my life between being busy and being content.
Things didn’t all revolve around money in the past and this is very frustrating that it now feels like it does. This is coming from overspending at the weekend. I set a budget and then didn’t stick to it. I want to be stronger with myself and others and say no. Whether that’s because I can’t afford it or I just don’t want to afford that doesn’t matter.
Maybe it’s because I’m so tired this week and haven’t done any exercise since Thursday. My plans to get to the gym this week have been overruled by it being so cold and me being so tired. I know exercise will make me feel better. I know eating right will make me feel better, but I can’t seem to get both right at the moment. Other things that’s stressing me out!
Maybe I need a new hobby or something to delve into for a period of time. I thought about trying calligraphy or just writing more letters, but there are times I don’t know what to write. I would love to write poems or short stories, like my daydreams, but have never thought about writing them down. Maybe it would be fun to delve into the world of words. I could then start making my handwriting neater and then move onto getting some calligraphy pens and watch some youtube tutorials. I need to make time for this. Like homework.
I just feel a bit lost. I don’t like being lost. Sometimes I like having no specific direction, but I know the way home. Right now I feel in limbo. I don’t have a clear path ahead of me and I wonder how I got here. I want to get away from feeling sorry for myself too. It’s not a nice feeling. I don’t want to be the victim of my own life. I want to feel content with my decisions and not worry about justifying them to anyone.
There is nothing wrong with being me and feeling like I do right at this moment.
I just found this from Sarah McGee and it is what I needed to see.
“You are powerful beyond measure. Start now, back yourself, surround yourself with people who inspire, challenge & encourage you, borrow a bit of belief from those people until you find your own, start today and don’t stop. Know that you will fail, fall, and struggle – always get back up, shake off the dust and learn just how strong you are. Life is what you make it – you are already amazing, you just need to start living like you can see it too. Life, love, health, career – you are not a victim & this life is yours to shape. Every breath in your lungs is an opportunity to chase after your life tenaciously. Time to Get up.”