I’ve been struggling with my life in general for the last couple of years – the reason I started my blog was to try and be honest with myself and show myself I’m enjoying life and having adventures every day. I think I’ve struggled to be myself. I hold myself back on being myself in front of other people, even family, that it’s who I’ve become. I find it very difficult to let go and relax in front of others. I think that’s why I have to have my alone time each day. I put on my mask and where until I’m alone. This is part of me I don’t like, but I don’t know how to drop it. I would like to, but I know it will be a gradual process.
So seeing these posts from Emmie, got me thinking about being authentic ad specifically this quote Emmie included:
“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition” Scott Stratten
This is how I approach fitness and running especially. I do what I can and only try to do better than myself and I’m comfortable with that. I think I have accepted myself for who I am with running, but that hasn’t stopped me trying and aiming for more and making changes to get there.
This is the approach I would like to use where I want to make changes to my life – being authentic with myself the whole way.
With other areas of my life I worry so much about what other people think and let it stop me doing or saying things. Don’t get me wrong I think it is important to think before you speak and act, but I want to be comfortable with my decisions regardless of what people think. In the end it doesn’t matter what other think as long as I’m comfortable with my decisions and actions.
I’m fed of worrying about what other people and how they might react. The problem is I’ve learnt from past experiences to keep myself hidden and present a person I think other people want to see. What I’ve been learning in my CBT sessions is all about how I’ve interpreted past experiences and created rules for living that stop those things happening again. It’s frustrating and difficult, but I’m realising that some of my rules are hindering me now, rather than helping me as intended. It’s something that will take time, but hopefully I’ll reword some of my rules that will then allow me to be more content with myself.
I have to be myself and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s their problem, not mine. I just need to stop worrying about it and be happy being me – an authentic me.