Behind The Scenes

This week has flown by. I finished my job with the team Christmas meal and took a trip to Swansea to see my friend Ingrid before she goes home. Plus we had to see The Hobbit! I loved it, but really wish I had had time to re-read the book before I saw it as I couldn’t remember enough to know what was definitely in the book and what had some artistic license. It’s on my list for the new year 🙂

 I had to weigh in early on Saturday before heading to Swansea and had lost . I lost it a little when in Swansea – mainly too many snacks and not tracking, so need to watch it this week while in Edinburgh. I’m going to focus on three meals a day as I would really like to get my 5% before Christmas, which is only half a pound away.

I’ve been thinking about this quote this week:

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel”

I like this quote and it reminds me that I only see what other people want me to see and vice versa. This is extremely helpful when thoughts creep into my mind about what I’m doing with my life when I compare myself to others. I have to remind myself that I might look like I’ve got it all under control to other people, but inside I really haven’t. If this is the case for me it must be for other people as well. We do not tend to go around announcing everything that is wrong in lives or describe all the little things that go into making things happen – the behind-the-scenes. We like to tell people about the good things – the highlight reel! 

I am trying to be curious about my thoughts. When I struggle with comparing myself to someone else I try to wonder why. Is there something they do or have that I think I want? Do I really want it? Would I put the work in to getting it? These questions help a great deal. Whenever I see my friend in Ingrid I think about Phd’s and whether I could have done one, but I know deep down I didn’t want to go that route. It is an insecurity that creeps in. Have I gone down the right route? But I try to counter it by asking myself if there is any such thing as a ‘right’ route? This usually helps.

The insecurity that keeps coming back at the moment is that I have no idea what I’m doing (and that it looks like everyone else does). I have no idea what the future holds and it is scary. Up until I was 24 it was easy, or at least looking back it seems so. I went to school, then university, then travelled, then back to university and then time to get a job. Now it is not clear. Or maybe it is – old job, new job, and possible future jobs. I would like to see it as  having my whole future ahead of me, but for some reason I am struggling to see it that way. I like to know what I’m doing and where I am going. I like to have a plan. 

Maybe that is what I need to do – create my own plan. Career wise I have never thought beyond getting a job and working to buy a house. Now I think I need to think about what I’m aiming for. Is there a position or role I would like to get in the future? What do I need to do to get there? What can I do to start working towards it now? This is the way I work. I need goals and steps to achieve those goals. I need to set some for my working life. 

I’ll spend some time thinking about this practically over the next year. But first I am going to enjoy my trip to Edinburgh, followed by Christmas and then starting my new job in January.

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