Why?

Why did I get depression?

Was it something I did? Was it something I was predisposed to? Was it something I inherited?

Why me?

I have all these questions that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to answer, but that doesn’t stop them going through my head.

I feel a mixture of things right now as I’m sat in a coffee shop. I’ve been signed off work for two weeks. I know this will be good for me in the long run, but I can’t help feeling guilty. This is something I need to work on!

Everyone has been great. I find it so hard to talk to people about myself, but I needed certain people to know. Other people can mind their own business. For most people I am just unwell.

I want to fight the stigma of depression, but at the same time I don’t want everyone to know. It doesn’t define who I am or what I can do.

I’ve already created a list of things I want to do – want being the key word – while I’m signed off. I don’t want to waste this time and want to use it as an opportunity to work on getting better.

I’m not sure how much I will blog in the next 2 weeks. I might keep it light with coffee updates and things I’m loving posts and books of course. I don’t want my blog to become depression central, but I do want to help people going through a similar thing, but I’ve got help myself first 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Why?

  1. It’s good that you have the time now to just focus on yourself. Like you, I was signed off to help recover & I’ve learnt that part of that is listening to what my body tells me. I always set tasks to be done each day out of a fear of wasting time or being lazy. However, sometimes doing nothing is actually the most productive thing. Our other tasks, even if centred on our recovery, can be a distraction from ourselves. In order to move forward we need to get back in touch with ourselves & sometimes a way of doing that, I’m finding, is just to be quiet with myself for a while. My mind is whirring with so many thoughts about other people, things I should, would do etc. After some quiet time those voices fade & I can hear my own voice again & begin to listen to what it’s telling me. Our recovery starts deep within ourselves.

    Sending you my best wishes. Take care of yourself over the next couple of weeks & just do what you feel like doing.

    Emma

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