Adventurous Depressive

I actually wrote this post last week, before the one yesterday, but it didn’t feel right to publish it as scheduled. Today I relate to these thoughts a little again and that is good.

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Depression.

It’s a word full of stigma and loathing. It brings fear to people because there is so little known about it.

However it is also an adventure!

For me it has to be, or I lose hope.

Okay, it may be a hard, tough, challenging, long, rough, tiring [insert other similar words here] adventure, but in the end its still an adventure.

The last 18 months have been hard. In some ways they have gone quickly, in others they have dragged so much a day felt like a month. But I have gotten out of bed every morning and made it through each day. Each day has been different and will continue to be different.

This is what I set out to make my blog about. Seeing the adventure in everything – including depression I have now come to fully realise.

I’ve learnt a lot on this part of my journey:

  • It’s good to slow down or stop and be present with your breathing
  • It’s good to be honest with yourself and others
  • It’s good to feel things – everything
  • It’s good to do the things I enjoy just because I enjoy them
  • It’s good to set goals
  • It’s good to sleep
  • It’s good to write and/or talk

It’s good to be me.

I am enough.

We all are enough.

Life is full of stepping stones and bridges, but depression feels like you are wading through the river. But that’s okay as you see and feel the river in a different way than you would crossing quickly over the bridge.  Sometimes it can be nice to sit on the river edge and watch everything drift by. When you feel ready you can get up and continue on your path to find more adventures.

There are times I wonder if I’ll ever be well. I want to be like I was. But then I wonder why I got depressed. Is it trying to make me change something that wasn’t right back then. If so this brings me hope. I’ll get well, but I won’t be the same. I’ll be a different version of me, but I’ll still be me.

For now I’ll be an adventurous depressive and work on just being an adventurous me!

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2 thoughts on “Adventurous Depressive

  1. Angie, we’re riding similar rollercoasters. When I’m feeling stronger I share your attitude. If I’m going to be blighted by this mental illness I’m going to ride it & learn what I can, feel what I can & learn to know & accept myself.

    On down days, of course, I haven’t got the inclination to fight, to see my worth. But I promise myself on the up days to maximise them, implement new thoughts, behaviours that will hopefully serve me through the down days.

    Thank you for sharing your ‘adventure’.

    1. Thanks Emma!

      I find it difficult to talk to people face to face about depression as reactions tell you more than you want to know about how they feel about it. I know it’s a lack of understanding mostly, but I get super annoyed when people try to fix me. I’m just on an adventure to create a new version of myself 🙂

      So I blog. I love the people I find a long the way sharing similar journeys. One of the hardest parts is remembering I am not alone (especially on those low days).

      I love your approach to maximising the up days, it’s a good way of thinking.

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