Overwhelmed

I feel overwhelmed and I am struggling right now.

Struggling for motivation.

Struggling to be social.

Struggling to see anything positive.

I feel very low and feel like I have lost my support network. My parents are away. My sister is too far. I don’t want to burden my friends. I have too much going on to enjoy anything.

I am making myself reclusive to protect myself. Or that is at least how I see it. I know it can be okay sometimes to want to be on your own, but I also know it can do more harm than good at other times.

I have so much going on in July and I am not looking forward to any of it. I know all of the things going on will be fantastic in their own ways. It is more that it is all in one month with no break before the next thing.

I feel overwhelmed.

All I really want to do is sit on the sofa and which TV or go to sleep and wait for August to arrive.

I want to just stop for a minute and relax. I want to be able to breathe deeply and enjoy the moment. But all I can think about is what is next? What do I have to be ready for? What could catch me out? How can I get out of something? I also hope my open water swims will be cancelled. I could easily not do any of it, even though I know I want to do most of it.

I’m feel overwhelmed.

I am just going to try and take one day at a time. One hour at a time. Try to enjoy each thing for what it is and then enjoy the next one too.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I have taken a step back tonight and have done exactly what I wanted to do. I don’t loads better, but  don’t feel any worse. But I do feel, which is something very important to me. I am not blocking my emotions or trying to explain them or work out why all the time. I am just letting myself feel them.

Right now I am okay and I know in the next moment I will be okay too and the one after that.

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