2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

I feel all out of sorts. A few months ago I felt good about things and where I was heading, but now I don’t.

Things aren’t going great at work. Things aren’t going great at home. Both places where I spend the majority of my time are not places of comfort at the moment.

I’m also finding it very hard to talk to anyone about anything! This is frustrating and I’ve booked a counsellor appointment to help me with this.

Because of all the things above I am having trouble being around people, which in turn make things even worse! I know this, yet I can’t seem to make myself do something about it.

I am constantly feeling low at the moment and it makes things very hard. My motivation has dropped like a stone for everything. I’m turning to old habits, like using food as comfort.

I have started journaling again though and am trying really hard to keep it going. I find it very helpful as it is the only place I can write it all down, even if it doesn’t make sense at all. It is the one place I can truly be honest with myself. Things I would never say to anyone I can say it there and get it out. Often I find that is all I needed to do to stop feeling or thinking something.

I know I am all over the place because decisions I will have to make soon will affect other people and I don’t like it. I have always made decisions for me only without really having to worry about other people, but it’s not going to be like that forever and I’m resisting change!

I wish I could be fully honest on here as that is why I started this blog. But I have to remember that real like has to come first!

I thought I was getting over my depression, but there is still work I need to do. I have an action plan to get my life back to where I feel comfortable and then want to push myself out of my comfort zone, but at the moment I am always out of my comfort zone and am just looking for ways back to it. This is stopping me thinking of things I want to do and experience. I could easily spend all my time curled up with a book!

Today I am going to make a few decisions I have been putting off. I am also going to have a day off from people and just relax. I’ll read my book, maybe have a nap and just take care of myself without thinking about anyone else. I have to do what is right for me as thinking of others all the time is making me miserable.

Today I am thankful for having an extra Bank Holiday and will indulge in watching the Jubilee Celebrations!

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