Got Me Thinking

A few things have been going on recently that have got me thinking. I’m going to be vague in this post as the situation do not directly concern me and I don’t want to upset anyone.

I have fantastic friends and I love them all, but it always surprises me when I realise how old friends and I have changed and grown apart.

A comment that came up recently was along the lines of ‘not even pretending to be interested’ concerning an event that most people decided they didn’t want to go to. All individually decided that is, there was no discussion.

This comment caught me off guard. It wasn’t made to me, but hearing that someone had said it made me think about how we have changed.

I’m 27 years old. Last year I had a bad year, but this has made me realise that since my trip I have stopped pretending to fit in with everything. I think for me personally I was pretending a lot of the time. I think I wanted to fit in and not be the odd one out. But I’m happy with who I am and now don’t want to pretend anymore.

This comment made me feel like I should be back in school. Trying to fit in with ‘popular’ people or just trying to fit in with friends.

I’M 27 YEARS OLD!

I think I know who I am and I like to think my good friends know who I am as well. When I say I don’t want to do something I’m being honest that I don’t want to do the thing they are suggesting, but that is no reflection on the person suggesting it. If they suggested something I wanted to do I would be there. It is not meant as a personal insult. I also do not feel the need to justify myself when I don’t want to do something. I also don’t expect this of others. One of my pet peeves is people umming and ahhing about things, when it would save a lot of hassle just to say ‘no sorry’ in the first place.

Honesty and Trust. I think this is what friendships are about.

I have not told many of my friends about my blog. The few I have told I trust completely. I am not the best at talking about my feelings face to face, but knowing they can read my blog if they want is nice. I also don’t expect them to read it! This is my outlet to get my thoughts out.

This one comment stirred up a lot of feeling in me, which surprised me. I suppose I thought the people who said it knew me better, even though it was not directed explicitly at me, I am included in its sentiment. I am angry and upset about this.

But then I think I’M 27 YEARS OLD. I don’t want to pretend any more. I don’t want to have to pretend in order to keep a friendship going. That sounds selfish, but in order for me to stay in a good place, it is true. I want friends who like me for me – the weird and wonderful person I am 🙂

It is quite freeing to say that. I am in a place where I can be okay with letting people go and moving on. Last year this would not have been possible.

I’m not saying that this affects any friendship right now, but I will be okay if some friendships fizzle out in the future.

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