Depression – The Big D.
I started off by going to the doctor, which was so hard as I thought it was all in my head. Anyone who is struggling go to your doctor and explain it. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help. So I did and he put me on anti-depressants and got me referred to counselling.
The medication has helped me sleep. Due to my anxiety, sleeping was a big issue for me and nothing seemed to work and therefore I was open to taking something to help with this. This was a personal choice and I asked questions then spent a while reading up on them before I started to take them. They are working for me, but I also know I don’t want to be on them for an extended period of time and therefore I don’t rely on them. Nothing beats getting to bed at a reasonable hour for a good nights sleep.
This is where the counselling comes in and I really feel like I am making some progress. I have been on a Changing Your Lifestyle and Weight Management Course and a Stress and Mood Management Course. I am currently on a Beating Low Self Esteem Course and my counsellor suggests an assertiveness course after that. I am learning lots of different things about myself and how I behave and think as well as techniques I can use to change my thoughts and behaviour to develop a healthy life. I have found I spend too much time thinking about other people that I have forgotten about myself and it’s time to change that.
I don’t think that even a week a go I would have written this post. I have had it as a draft idea for a while, but never thought of actually writing it until this week. Not even all my friends and family know about this (I haven’t told them about my blogging yet either), but I feel it is private (even though I’m sharing it with the blog world) and also I don’t want to talk about it with some people. I find it difficult to talk about with my counsellor who knows all about depression and psychology and has been trained to help people, whereas most people haven’t got a clue and their efforts to help can be very frustrating. Support is great don’t get me wrong, but I am picky about who I want support on this from. Is that wrong?
I have found I love my blog and the freedom it gives me to write my feelings and thoughts. It is a great personal support tool. I prefer it to my attempts to write a journal. I suppose it feels like ‘me time’ and I can fully immerse myself in myself and my life for a period of time without feeling guilty.
I wanted to get this out for me. I hope it will make things clearer when I blog about why I make decisions and what I plan to do and when 🙂
I wrote the above a day or so a go and have been umming and ahhing about posting it. I suppose I was afraid of what people might think. I don’t want to be afraid and I don’t think people should feel afraid or ashamed that they are struggling. Being diagnosed with depression means I am getting help and that is the most important part to me. By posting this I want to say to people I know that this does not mean it is a topic for open conversation. There will be times I will be happy to talk about things and other times when I won’t be and I hope people with understand that.
So that’s it. I have depression. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to admit it. I need help and I am getting help. That is all that matters.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and this is purely based on my personal experience. I can only tell you what has worked or not worked for me. Please consult your doctor if you need help on this subject.