Frustration

Today I’m frustrated.

I have given myself permission to be frustrated without blaming myself and this has meant that I can feel the frustration and move on from it in a constructive way.

Why do I feel like this today?

I went back to swimming club today and I have lost a lot, and I mean a lot, of fitness. I knew I had been struggling because of my shoulder and also knew that having over a month off due to holidays and other commitments would mean I would be slower than when I had left. However I did not think I would have lost as much as I actually did. 

When I left for my holidays I was averaging about 2500 metres a session working back up to 3000 metres due to a break and slow down for my shoulder to heal. This morning I swam 2400 metres in the hour and in a much slower lane than I would normally go in. Not just one lane down, but 2 as it was quite busy.  This takes me back to a standard I was last at a good few years ago.

This is frustrating.

Next week is my Pier to Pier swim. This where I swim between Bournemouth to Boscombe Piers non stop. This is 1.4 miles in the sea and it’s NEXT WEEK! Today I swam 2400 metres, which is approximately 1.4 miles. So at least I know I can still swim this distance. But I have to swim it NON STOP!

This is frustrating (and I am also slightly panicked).

But I am allowed to feel this. I have taken some of my time away to focus my time on myself a bit more. I am learning to not be so hard on myself and allow myself to feel emotions I would ignore and move on in a constructive way.

The constructive way forward this week for this swim is to go swimming tomorrow and get in on Tuesday for an extra session. Then for the swim itself I will concentrate on swimming steadily and finish the swim. It is the first time I have down this swim and therefore I can use this as a baseline for anytime I decide to do it again. I do not need to worry about anyone else, I am doing this swim for me and will be happy to finish.

The constructive way forward long term for me from here is to continue to go swimming at least twice a week as well as at least two exercise classes a week. I know I can achieve this and it very possible I can exceed. However I also want to do other things in my life and therefore setting myself 4 things to do a week minimum is realistic.

So today I am frustrated, but that’s okay.

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